Page 49 of Wild Card
Options.The sentiment rankles me, and I have no right to it. Pushing the feeling aside, I shimmy my shoulders, drawing my spine up tall as I stare out over the moonlit water. “I enjoy your company.”
“Gwen.” He sighs my name like I exhaust him, his palm scrubbing over his stubbled jaw.
“Oh, quit constantly flattering yourself. That statement doesn’t need to mean more than it does.” I swear I see a dimple flash in his cheek, so I forge ahead. “I just meant that I’m not put off by all your snarling.”
He finally looks my way. “Snarling?”
“Yes. Barking and growling too.”
“Am I a dog now?”
“A big, dumb one who’s been living tied to a post for too long and doesn’t know how to interact anymore? Yes. You are.”
His cheek twitches quickly, once, before smoothing, and the responding grunt sounds suspiciously similar to a chuckle. I take satisfaction in thinking I may have lightened his mood for even a moment. I watch him raptly, his expression growing thoughtful, his gaze moving back out to the water.
“I wasn’t always like this. It kind of snuck up on me, I guess.”
“Well, we’re all constantly changing. Evolving. Growing. I don’t know a single person who is the same as they once were. I know I’m not. And how boring to just…know who you are and think there’s nothing more out there for the rest of your life.”
He shrugs. “I might have changed too much.”
I inhale deeply, a soft smile curving my lips. “Impossible.”
Bash scoffs. “Not if you ask my ex-wife.”
There’s that word again. I ignore the sudden tightness in my neck and jaw.Wife. But no,ex-wife.
Swallowing, I forge ahead with something suitably vague. “Maybe she was wrong.”
“Nah. She wasn’t wrong. And I don’t blame her one bit.” He scoffs. “You know, actually, due to recent developments, maybe I do.”
My eyes lead my head in his direction again. “Listen, I want to respect your privacy and not annoy you and all that, but I am way too snoopy to sit here and pretend that talking in code about this is the least bit satisfying.”
Our eyes meet across the ten or so feet that separate us and my stomach flips over on itself.Fuck, he’s handsome. I never—not once in my life—had this kind of physical reaction to another person. Several beats pass, and I’m transported to a quiet corner of an airport with a handsome stranger who makes butterflies erupt in my stomach.
That feeling of being alone with him is impossible to shake.
“It’s not an exciting story. We got married young. It was impulsive, but we had a lot of fun. Both of us had good jobs and too much disposable income. In a lot of ways, we were very compatible. Life was great.”
He pauses for a few moments, then continues. “Then one day adulthood snuck up on me and I realized I wanted a family. She didn’t. We tried to work it out. For a few years, I thought I could go along with it. Thought maybe she’d change her mind. But…” He shrugs, dropping my gaze and looking off into the distance. “Resentment grew anyway. And Ireallywanted a family. We were at an impasse, and neither one of us was happy. So I left and built this place as therapy, thinking maybe I’d be able to meet someone new and have it all one day.”
I let a breath rush out through my lips. That’s…a lot. The disappointment of it. But then he hits me with the killing blow.
“The really hilarious update is that I ran into her when I left Tripp’s birthday party all those months ago. I was waiting around at the airport, hoping to get onto a flight, andbamthere she was. Remarried. With a toddler. And very, very pregnant. So now I know it wasn’t that she didn’t want a family. She just didn’t want it withme.And all I’ve done is spend years licking my wounds, wishing for something I’ll never have. Too scared to even try.”
The pain in his voice is like a spear to my chest. It aches for him.
Iache for him.
“You can. You should. Try, that is. You’re a catch. Someone will happily snap you up.” I work to keep my voice neutral and my face passive, but my tone feels frantic—a little desperate. Like I want him to believe me just a little too badly.
He laughs, a flat, biting chuckle. His jaw flexes, but he doesn’t respond immediately. Eventually, he turns his attention my way, dark eyes boring into mine. “Turns out it’s not that easy to find a person you actually connect with.”
My throat constricts and my mouth goes dry because I can read between the lines. Hear the bitterness in his voice. Pick up on the thing he just can’t bring himself to say. The elephant in the room that neither of us knows how to talk about.
Weconnected.Wehad that spark. The one you can’t force. The kind that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. And the worst part is, we both know it.
Who knows where it could have gone? It could have been nowhere at all, but I still feel the loss of that possibility.
