Page 165 of Remiss
“I’m so glad you’re my mom.”
“And I’m so glad you’re my baby girl,” Meggie said softly.
Rebel nodded, satisfied.
Rebel sat on the edge of the bed in a luxurious yellow and white room that had a name like old estates she’d read about in novels. She couldn’t remember what the room was called, but that was the only thing that impressed her. She preferred her bedroom to this one. It was just as magnificent, much bigger, and it washers.
Once they got home, she’d stay in her room. She wouldn’t have to pretend that she wasn’t devastated beyond reason overDiesel. Or that she didn’t hate him and wish death upon his putrid head.
She wouldn’t have to force food down, so Momma wouldn’t worry after going through so much trouble on Rebel’s behalf.
The meal was okay. Momma and Lolly were better cooks. After they finished eating and what’s his face cleared everything away, Momma offered to watch a movie with Rebel, but she declined. Not interested in much—not even the fact that they had abutler. She was so uninterested as a matter of fact, she couldn’t even remember his name. He was just a handsome cat daddy who made googly eyes at Momma which she didn’t notice because he wasn’t Daddy.
Rebel snorted, missing CJ and Axel, though time away from Diesel andthat manrelieved her. She didn’t have to look at either of them and remember how much they’d crushed her.
A father was a girl’s first love, a blueprint for her future with the opposite sex, good or bad.
Maybe that’s why Rebel had attached herself to Diesel. She’d thought he was smart, funny, and a bad ass just like Daddy.
That motherfucker was like him, all right. Raggedy, ratchet, and wretched.
“Reb?” Mama called as she opened the bedroom door and stepped in. She still wore the orthopedic boot but didn’t wince with each step she took. She sat next to Rebel, wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her close. “Do you want to join me on the terrace? I was thinking about going for a midnight swim.”
“Swimming is fun. Was fun.” She frowned. “Is fun. If water isn’t involved.”
“I know of no other way to swim, love.”
Neither did Rebel, although she wished there was. She’d loved going to the natatorium, listening to music, and enjoying her own company. Dreaming of a future with Diesel and, morerecently, Kaia. Thinking about what new outfit she wanted. Wondering when Daddy would bring her a fixer-upper, then realizing he was too lost in stupid motherfuckery to even remember Rebel enjoyed working on bikes because he’d fostered that love inside her.
Fuck him and fuck Diesel.
She pulled away from her mother. “You’ll be happy to know that if Diesel looks at me, I’ll kill him.”
“Any particular reason why?”
She shrugged. “I hate him.”
“Ah. That explains it.”
At the sardonic tone, Rebel smiled. “It doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“No. Just your feelings are important, sweetheart.”
“You didn’t feel that way when I said I loved him,” Rebel pointed out, compelled to do so. “I-I wish you had.”
“I understand, Reb.” Momma rubbed Rebel’s back and met her gaze. “Love isn’t easy,” she said softly. “It can be selfish even when selflessness is needed. It can send you soaring into the brightest light or crashing into the darkest abyss. But when you love someone, you love all of them. You can’t pick and choose, then send the parts you don’t like back to the drawing board. It doesn’t work that way.Peopledon’t work that way.”
“Do you want me with Diesel or not?”
“We’ve been through this. We’ve been through it all actually. I’m trying to find words that’ll sink in when nothing but growing up will do that. You can’t change someone else. You can only change yourself. Either accept them as they are or tell them you can’t and walk away for yourself. Not to prove a point or force them to change.”
Rebel still didn’t understand.
“I came to LA to come to terms with a lot of things, Reb. Mainly I came to find the strength I needed. I came for me. Notto force your daddy into doing anything. Did I hope it would be a wake-up call? I did. But it was still for me. Not him.” Momma combed her fingers through her hair. “It will take something drastic for Diesel to change. Now not only do you have his affair with Torie, you have to contend with Jana. Who’s innocent in this situation, by the way.”
Rebel sighed.
“My god,” Momma groaned, tipping her head back. “I wish Christopher could kill her again.”
