Page 71 of The Biggest Secret
And staying up late having sex with Adam.
I felt run down, achy and sluggish, but assumed it was from lifting and moving boxes back and forth across the street from house to house.
And from having rough sex with Adam.
“Britt, we have to go get a test. Will you come with me?”
Fuck, this can’t be happening. We’re not even talking right now. I’m doing my best to push him away, again. And this is repeating the cycle. If I’m pregnant, can I stay this time? And will he want us all?
* * *
“So, is Dom a big brother or what?” Britt asks from the other side of the bathroom door where I’m sitting on the closed toilet lid waiting for the minutes to pass so I can look at the stick.
“Britt, I’m afraid to look. Can you do it?” She opens the door and walks in. I’m pleading with her with my eyes. I honestly have no idea how to feel about this right now. It’s like I’m in a fog. I watch her move around the small room, lingering over the sink where the test sits. She reaches out her hand to me and I grasp it. She picks up the stick, studies it carefully, places it back on the counter then kneels in front of me.
“Congratulations, Mommy, you’re going to have another little Casanova.”
I burst into tears. This is not how this should be happening again. It’s déjà vu and it’s making me uneasy. I don’t want to repeat this process by myself again. Adam should be here. But I’ve done my best to keep him away. He’d be right to stay away.
I’ve caused all my own heartache.
Britt wraps me in her arms, and I sob. I let out all the emotions of the past two years. I don’t think I’ve ever grieved for what I’ve lost as a child, and what I almost lost for my own son.
“Please don’t tell the girls yet.” I’m wiping at my face. “Let me digest it. Then I have to tell Adam.”
“Anything you need, girl. Thanks for letting me be with you now. Whatever you need, you know I’m here.”
“Thank you,” I choke out and grab her once again. “There is one more person I need to talk to first though.”
* * *
An hour later, I’ve righted myself and ring the bell of Janet Casanova’s front door.
“Hey, sweetheart, come on in.”
“Thanks for letting us come over.” Dominic scurries out of my arms and goes running down the hallway and into their living room with the giant Christmas tree. He’s obsessed with it, loves touching the little lights.
“Be careful, baby, don’t touch the ornaments.”
“He’sfine, I’m not worried.”
We follow him in and sit on the couch.
“Seems you girls are taking turns coming over here.” She eyes me with a twinkle. “Chessy was here earlier, needed a little pep talk to get through this wedding planning.” She shakes her head and chuckles. “Three weeks. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was pregnant.”
And with that one single word, I burst into tears. “Chelsea! No, honey, don’t cry! What’s wrong?”
Sobbing, I choke out, “I’m pregnant!”
Her eyes get watery and she envelopes me in her arms. She’s warm and loving and everything I wished I had growing up in a mom.
“Oh, sweet girl, does Adam know?” She brushes the hair back from my face.
“No, we’re not speaking right now.”
She furrows her brows. “Talk to me.”
I spill my guts for the second time today. I tell her everything that transpired the other day with Adam leaving Dom at daycare. I tell her every accusation Grace has ever thrown at me. I tell her every flaw of mine from two years ago, and this time I don’t leave out my fatherless childhood. And she accepts it all with grace and composure that rivals the queen. She listens and never interrupts. She looks at me with comfort, not contempt.
