Page 72 of The Biggest Secret
“The Casanova men are tough. And Adam is just like Frank. Controlling, demanding, and striving for perfection. They both want to do it all for everyone. They have an innate need to take care of their families, which is something to be admired, but it’s also a hindrance when they become overbearing. They don’t see the lines they cross.
“I told Francesca this story the other day. Frank was a few years older than me when we met, and he was ready to settle down. I think he was born ready to find a wife and raise a family,” she laughs. “And I fought him on every move. He would make a decision and I would negate it. He would offer suggestions and I would cut him down. We eventually worked out our differences, once I realized I was being a spoiled brat. I didn’t know how to be a wife, and I didn’t want to be trapped. I loved him and knew he was the one, but I couldn’t see how it would work.
“And Adam? He’s just like Frank. Being the first born, he took on a role that was bestowed upon him, not one he chose. He needs a good,strong woman,he needsyou,to show him he’s allowed to let down his guard,” she giggles. “I imagine you showing up with a baby in tow was enough to shake him up. And if it wasn’t, well,thisbaby sure will be.”
I listen, trying to understand how our lives, over these past fourteen years have been such an obstacle. We’ve both made it harder for ourselves. Instead of just letting love guide us.
I take in her words. She’s right. I am as much Adam’s safe space, as he is mine. “Are you mad at me?”
“For what, Chelsea?”
I shake my head unsure how to put this into words. “I took away something special you could have celebrated. I stole time and?—”
“No. Stop right there. You didn’t take anything from us. You gave me the best gift anyone could have given me. A star to add to my tree.” She nods her head toward the tree, and I see it. A ‘Grandma’s First Christmas’ ornament hangs dead center on the tree. My hormones are already going wild so all it does is make me cry. This isn’t Dom’s first Christmas but it’s his first with his Grandma, and hers with him.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I respond without a second thought.
“Then you know what to do. I know he’s a lot to handle, sweetheart, but you’re the only one who can get through to him. And don’t give Grace a second thought. I know my son and he has been in love with you since he first laid eyes on you. Frank and I knew all about you before he even brought you home.That’show I know you two are right.” She takes my hand. “Give Adam that chance. Lethimgive youyourchance. You both owe it to that little boy, and this new one.”
Chapter Forty-Two
ADAM
I’ve been on my own for years. I’ve lived on my own since I came home from college. Chelsea wouldn’t ever move in permanently with me. She’d stay a night or two but always said she needed her own space. Billy lived with me for a while after he got into trouble, but we found him the house across from me and he bought that when the time was right.
But for the two weeks I had Chelsea and Dominic in my home, our home, I was in heaven. I felt complete and at ease. It was the happiest time of my life.
Waking up alone in my house now is awful. Knowing they’re here, but not within reach, is worse. How do I retrain how I was brought up? How do I change my whole perspective on what my job as a man is when it’s all I’ve known?
Pouring a cup of coffee, I flip on the television and listen to the morning news. Hearing talk of the Holiday Star Inn, the venue wheremy sister and Jackson are getting married, catches my ear. I face the TV, turning up the volume to see a video of the building engulfed in flames.
“Holy shit.” I listen as the newscaster explains there was an electrical fire and the building burned to the ground last night. I quickly grab my phone and dial Jackson. I catch him down at the track and break the unfortunate news. I promise him anything I can do to help, I’ll do. Of course, I will. This is where I thrive.
Within twenty-four hours, we’ve made scheduling changes for my current jobs and have begun planning for a wedding instead. I have to say, when Jackson told me the idea he and Billy had, I fell in love with my best friend a tiny bit more. I mean, of course those two should be married on the high school football field. It’s an amazing idea and suits them perfectly. I can see the love he has for my sister in action.
It’s no coincidence love and work are both four letter words. And for a guy like me, I should have learned this earlier.
Fuck.
See what I did there?
Loveiswork. Love is the work I should have been putting first all along. Love is the fighting together to come out stronger. Love is forgiveness and acceptance and letting go of past hurts and mistakes.
Love is learning and studying what works for both of us and then actively making sure you pass that test every day.
Love is the sweet secrets we keep for each other. That are whispered about in the still of the night.
Love is facing challenges together, fighting together and making promises for the now and for the future. But it’s also those silent promises that are made with our actions that is the glue in any relationship.
The way she fixes my collar and makes my coffee as I head out the door. The way she waits up for me even if it’s just to kiss me goodnight.
Maybe all of this wedding talk is seeping into my brain. It’s making me soft. But I’m allowed to be soft with her, she allows me to have a soft place to land, to feel safe. And it’s time I learned how to put that into action.
* **
We’re in my backyard tonight sitting around the fire pit. It’s the night before the wedding and we’re just trying to relax before the chaos of the big day takes over. I’m nervously bouncing my leg up and down. I’m not nervous as much as I am concerned over our interaction tomorrow. The last thing I want to do is cause any stress for my sister or Jackson or make it weird between anyone else, for that matter.
