Page 15 of Everything Is Yours
“Are you having me on, Alfie?”
“If you prefer to beontop, but I hear on your side is probably best for the first few times.” I laughed, and Lily swatted me hard on my chest then sat up resting back on her knees in the bed.
“Stop it, Alfie. I hate you. Tell me what I agreed to. I know that would have registered with me if it had been something like that.”
“No, you don’t, Lily. You just told me you loved me a minute ago.” When I tried to challenge her, a small chuckle broke through my speech, so I had to come clean.
“Alright maybe it wasn’t the mechanics were wrong, but you did agree to give me a blow job.” In the darkened room, I could still make out the shadows of her covering her face with her hands.
“How the hell do I face them again after that?”
“I hate to say this, Lily, but I’m a musician who was used to playing at a different bar every night at one point. I had a lot of sex before I met you and long ago before I was famous. Jack knows the rock star lifestyle; he’s interviewed enough of us to know how freaky life on the road gets for single guys. Some married as well, but never for me, Lily. You know that,” I added quickly.
Lily bristled, and I instantly regretted what I had said.
“Look, I’m sorry this is coming out all wrong, but what I’m saying is, they know I’m not going to commit myself to someone who isn’t a match in the bedroom am I? They have to know you rock my world or they’d think I’m a limp dick or settling.”
“I don’t know, Alfie. I’m a rock star too, and I never cared about what anyone would think of your performance in bed with me when I met you.”
“When you met me neither of us were rock stars. Listen, Lily what do you think when you look at me?”
“I think you are the man I love…and I love you so much?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Alright, I’m telling you. What do you think when you see me?”
“That’s easy. I think, fuck, Alfie Black, how did you score so lucky with this beautiful, sweet, sassy girl? Then I think I won’t be satisfied until I’m inside you because I crave that closeness with you. That’s what I think.”
Lily sat silently in the dark, and I could hear her steady breathing as she considered my words. Eventually, I heard her swallow and she drew another breath before speaking.
“Well, that’s kind of where I am with you as well. Me feeling lucky I mean, and especially the part where I want you inside me,” she hurriedly added.
Reaching up I planted my large hand behind her slender neck and tugged Lily down and into my side hugging her. Then I turned her back onto her side in the original position she was in before we started our conversation. Tugging her closer, I snuggled up to her once again and kissed the top of her head. Tracing a line from her shoulder to the shell of her ear with my tongue, the familiar warm smell of her rose-scented shampoo filled my senses.
“Then there’s your answer, Lily. They’ll know I’m with you because you are the best I’ve ever had.” I thought she would have known that. Her level of self-doubt astounded me.
Lily stiffened again, “I am?”
Her surprise stung a little because she was the woman I gave my heart to and it bugged me that she found that hard to believe.
“Of course you are. You’re the best because I never cared or loved any of the others. Only you. Lily, our connection, the chemistry between us and the power of our shared love for each other, it’s palpable, honey.”
“So, I’m not really the best, just the one that you loved back?” Lily tested as she struggled to trust my true feelings. It made me frustrated that she just didn’t seem to get how deep my feelings ran for her.
“Jesus, Lily, you’re overthinking this. I’m with you because I can’t imagine ever being with someone else now that I’ve had you.”
“Even if I don’t do anal? God, Alfie, do you thinkeveryonethinks I do anal?”
I lay shaking my head in the dark at how fixated she’d become with that. Her concern about what other people thought pissed me off as well. I became angry with myself. I was an idiot for starting that conversation in the first place.
“How do you knowtheydon’t do anal, Lily? I mean women or men don’t suddenly grow a horn because a dick has been up their ass. And before you ask, I’ll clear that up as well. There has never been a dick up my ass.”
Lily lay quietly contemplating what I’d said, then she seemed to settle down and we fell into a silence. I lay listening to her steady breathing, and the mattress was so comfortable I felt like I was sinking into it. I had begun to drift into a light sleep when Lily spoke again.
“What if I never do it, Alfie? What if you get bored with me? What if I feel that to keep you I’d have— ”
“Lily! For fuck’s sake stop it. I’m not going to force your ass to have sex with my dick, alright? I’m not going to leave you because I might want to have anal sex, and I’m not going to be less content because you don’t want to. It’s a hard limit for you. I respect that; just like water sports is a hard limit for me. You piss on me, and you’re out on the street, do you understand me?”
