Page 20 of The Royal's Bumblebee
“Oh.” I frown. I can’t decide why I’m sad. Is it because he’s going to leave me alone for a portion of the day? Or because it hasn’t occurred to him to as-
“I’d love for you to come with me, but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” I snap my head up to briefly look him in his yellow eyes, before refocusing on his mouth. “It’s going to be busy and loud. I know you don’t enjoy too much stimulus. I mean, I’d really like you to meet my family. I tell them about you all the time when I go hunting.” I blush. I had assumed he went hunting on his own. It hadn’t occurred to me he would talk to other Ucfeni about me. My mind became a whirlwind of questions I was too scared to ask. What did he say about me? What didtheythink about me?
Chapter 15
Challenge accepted
Billie
Before Allico Inc reached out to me for this expedition, I’ve spentyearsbeing left out of special events because of my Aspergers. People assume that I’d prefer not to be asked. That it would be ‘too much’ for me, and it was kinder to pretend that they weren’t throwing a birthday party for someone in the office after hours. Or, not to bother giving me a trip invitation to the zoo when I was a pupil. I wouldn’t cope anyway, right? Don’t invite Billie to the wedding reception, she won’t want to come.
But that’s just not true. I wanted to go to all those things. To the zoo as a child. To the office birthday party. I wanted to put something pretty on and experience more of life. Just because I found something difficult, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to try. Okay, I’d need help, but what’s wrong with that? Would it have been so bad for me to attend Auntie Felicity’s wedding reception with ear defenders on, and sat near the door? Would it have been terrible for my work colleagues to turn down the music volume for me so I could come along?
When Allico Inc asked me to travel across space to colonise a new planet, I was terrified and said no at first. But I wept for joy in the comfort of my own apartment as soon as I got home. Because theyaskedme. Then, they kept asking me until Alaric asked me what I needed to get me to say yes. I said give me Hannah. He said ‘done’.
Hannah helped me pack, escorted me to the shuttle station, and didn’t let go of my hand until I was inside the cryo-chamber. She was the last thing I saw when I went into stasis. She helped me, under the duress of Allico’s agents, to rush into the palace for the pairing party.
I can doanythingif I have help. Give me time, and I can do things that terrify me.
I sat up and Izule remained on his side. He watched me, still and patient, and he waited for me to do or say something. Anything. Izule always gives me the time I need.
“…I don’t want to be left out anymore.” Slowly Izule pushed his hands down on the cushions and propped himself up on his elbows. He raised his hooded head up to look at me, but kept himself lower than me, so I had to look down into his yellow eyes. That is, until I couldn’t anymore and dropped my gaze to his brown and cream mouth instead. “What do you tell your family about me?” Is he ashamed of me? Of his mis-wired scaredy-human? Is that why he hasn’t asked me to come with him to this festival? Because he doesn’t want me to embarrass him if I withdraw into myself? Or is it that he isn’t ashamed of me, but like Hannah, he’s afraid of other people treating me differently and wants to shield me from them?
“…” Izule tastes the air in front of my blank face and stares into my blue eyes. “…that I adore you.” He spoke softly and waited for my next question. When I didn’t ask one he looked down at my hands on my lap and saw I was tapping my thumbs and middle fingers together. “Have I upset you Billie?”
“Yes.” I bring my chin to my chest and stare down at my hands. “No.” I lift and lower my right shoulder, uncomfortable and torn between running for my own bedroom, and wanting to snuggle down in the nest with Izule. “Yes.” I said firmly and tears welled in my eyes.
“…if I could refuse the summons to the festival so I could stay with you, I would. I promise you I would.” He was upset. I could hear it in the way his voice kept moving up and down and he crawled on his belly with his hands to bring his scaly face close to my trembling hands.
I want to push him away.
I want to hold onto him.
I want to shut down.
I want to scream.
I want Hannah.
I can’t have her.
I don’t-
Izule lifted up to tower over me and before I knew it I was surrounded in darkness. He coiled all around me on top of his nest and sealed the top with his chest. “I’m right here Billie. Take as long as you need. When you’re ready to tell me what you need, I’m right here.”
…
…
I hug my knees and stare at his brown scales. It’s dark. It’s quiet. I breathe in and out slowly, tapping my fingers as I count in two three out two three. My heart starts to settle and my mind becomes less of a tsunami crashing against my tiny body, and more of a tranquil pond with me floating in the centre. One thought rippling the surface at a time.
I have no idea how long I’ve sat in the fortress of his coil before I raise my head to look upward.
“…Izule?”
“Yes?” I hear his voice rumbling above and around me, but he doesn’t move. I clear my throat and tuck my hair behind my ears.
“…you…you said you’d love me to meet your family…well…why can’t I?” I braced myself for being turned down ‘gently’. Because it would be too loud or too busy, or because he can’t do his dutiesandlook after me. I don’t want to be looked after like a child. I just…need some support. “I…I’d like to…” I lost my voice and hated myself for finding this so hard. I’m so scared, but Iwantto go to the festival. I want to meet his family. I want to see more of Thelia than outside of his nest, but I know I’m going to need help to do that. I’m scared he wouldn’t want to give that help to me in public. I’m also scared that he won’t care what others thought, and like Hannah, he would end up isolated from others like my sister was…because of me. I can’t decide what scares me the most. Being rejected, or causing Izule to be rejected. I cup my hand to my mouth and cry softly.
