Page 16 of Courting the Krampus
Natalie likes to pretend that she’s unaffected, but the rosy color blooming on her cheeks is giving away just how much she likes the banter between us three and the irresistible draw we have to each other.
Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself for my turn to share. Natalie opened up and told us about things I’m guessing she doesn’t share easily, so it’s only fair that I meet her vulnerability with my own.
“Okay, back story. I’m twenty-eight, Cole is thirty. Together, we work on Santa’s Naughty List. Around the middle of the year, Cole’s brother Nick gives him a list of names and it’s up to Cole to ensure there is enough, well, coal to go into each stocking. I take the names of the naughtiest kids, and around Krampus Day it’s my ‘job’ to scare them into being good.”
“Scare them?” Natalie asks, completely flabbergasted. “Jasper, you’re the least scary thing I’ve ever seen. If possible, I’d even go so far as to say you’re sunshine. You’re cute, kind, funny. No way anyone would find you scary. Also, that sounds like a pretty crap way to spend Christmas.”
I swallow hard and tuck my hair behind my ear. “You don’t think the horns are scary?”
“The horns are hot,” Natalie states succinctly, like there was ever any question of them being anything but.
Heart hammering like it’s trying to fight its way out of my chest cavity, I say softly, “There’s something else too…”
Natalie sits up straight, turning her whole body to face me. “You don’t owe me anything, Jasper. Don’t tell me stuff you’re not comfortable with sharing.”
“Natalie’s right, Jas. You can tell her later,” Cole says gently.
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. She won’t see me like that.” I look at Natalie, trying and failing to keep the insecurity from my voice as I say, “I don’t want anyone to see me like that.” I drag in a slow breath and gather my courage to tell her my deep secret. “Being a krampus means I’m cursed in a way. You know how werewolves transform with the full moon? In a similar sense, a krampus who chooses not to live in their fully shifted form, transforms into their natural state around Krampus Day. For the first week of December, I’m bound to my monster form, and not the semishifted state that I usually am in—like now. I lose a hold of my, for lack of a better word, humanity.”
“Sounds hot to me,” Natalie says with a shrug.
My head rears back. “It’s not. I’m ugly. And dangerous. Scary. I hate that part of my life and I usually lock myself away so I don’t succumb to my instincts to chase people—or gods forbid children—through the streets. December should be a happy time, filled with excitement for Christmas and presents, and making memories. Not being scared.”
“Seriously, I’d be happy to be locked up with you. You can chase me anytime,” Natalie says and winks at me. I don’t think she truly understands how scary a krampus can look, so I let her comment slide and chalk it up to her just trying to be nice.
I decide to give her a bit more backstory since she was forthcoming about her family. “My parents are still happily mated and live together in a fancy cabin in the Alps, only one mountain over from my place. They hate wearing glamour rings and prefer to remain in their natural krampus forms. They’re not as sensitive to their instincts since they isolate themselves and chase each other instead—something a kid shouldn’t think about their parents doing. I like to go visit them when I can, but I don’t like being reminded of what I actually look like.”
Not waiting for any comments from them and needing to divert the focus from me, I say to Cole, “Your turn.”
Cole takes the hint and saves me by revealing his vulnerability. “I’m Santa’s secret second son, and his biggest regret.”
Natalie’s eyes widen until the icy blue of her irises look like little snowflakes in her big eyes. “Excuse me? What the fuck? I thought Santa is supposed to be nice.”
Running a hand over his shortly shorn hair, Cole explains, “My father is retired now, and in his own way, he has tried to be nice over the years. But his grief has tainted his life. Nick, my older half brother and current Santa, took over the job much younger than is customary. Long story short, Santas have historically only had one child—a son. They’re all named Nick. But after the unexpected death of his wife, my father spent one night with my mom, a Christmas elf, and I was the very unexpected result.”
“Holy fuck. That must’ve been so hard,” Natalie says and places a hand on top of Cole’s.
I know this story so well, yet every time I think about it, anger and hurt on Cole’s behalf roil deep within me. I’ve wanted to speak up and tell his family how much he hates his job, about the labels put on him by the other elves, but he never wants me to step in. Says he’ll handle it himself, though he has yet to say anything to them.
Cole turns his hand over and squeezes Natalie’s. “It’s not been easy. Because of my Christmas-elf side, I’m bound to remain within the Arctic Circle, unless accompanying Santa on Christmas business—something I have never done before. I’m not really welcomed by the other elves since I’m seen as bad luck. Elves basically worship Santa, and he didn’t want me, so…”
“Where is Daddy Santa now?” Venom drips from Natalie’s words like she’s about to go out and search for him herself, ready to seek vengeance for Cole.
“In a cabin somewhere, wallowing his life away,” Cole answers with a grimace. “My brother works really hard to keep up Christmas cheer, making up for the gap my father has left. Despite being in his late thirties already, he hasn’t taken a wife yet, something very odd for Santas who usually get married quite young.”
“Do you hate your father?” Natalie’s straightforward question causes Cole to pause, thinking it over before he answers.
“No. I think grief can make people act out of character, they make mistakes. I know I was an accident and he regrets that I’m the walking embodiment of his moral failure when he still felt loyal to his wife, but my mere existence is a painful reminder of it all.”
“You’re really nice. Much nicer than I could ever be. I would’ve been bitter,” Natalie says with her mouth turned down and righteous fire burning in her eyes on Cole’s behalf. “Where’s your mom?”
“She lives in one of the toy-making villages. Last I heard, she got married.” Cole shrugs like it’s no big deal, but I know how hurt he was by his mom not inviting him to the wedding. She tried making some feeble excuse about the other elves maybe being uncomfortable with his presence. Thankfully, Cole didn’t fall for her lines and he ceased all contact with her right then.
Needing Natalie to understand how good Cole really is, I add, “This is also why Cole lives on the edge of town. He’s giving the Christmas elves space.”
Cole shrugs again but there’s a hint of pain in his eyes before he glances away and stares out the window. “I like my space, and if it can help the others be more comfortable, then so be it.”
“Isn’t it lonely?”
