Page 41 of The Lies We Tell
“There we go,” he says.
I nod, embarrassed. I feel the color hit my cheeks and lower my gaze.
“Hey,” he says, tipping my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You don’t do that. You had a bad dream. It’s understandable. It’s been less than a week since it happened. You’re doing great.”
He sits again, his back against the headboard. Then, in a move that surprises me, he tugs me onto his lap, so I sit astraddle, and holds me to his bare chest. “You want to talk about it?” His words are raspy as his wide palms stroke my back.
I shake my head. “A dream. About the obvious.”
“This strategy of moving on by not taking action isn’t working,” Saint says.
I sit up fast. “What kind of a comment is that?”
“An honest one. Because I care about you. You haven’t told the police. You haven’t told your parents. You haven’t told any friends that I know of. You haven’t told a therapist. You haven’t told work. You’ve barely told me. I know dreams are sometimes your subconscious helping you process things. And I know dreams don’t always go away, even if you’ve done all the work.”
Ihaven’ttold anyone. I want it all to disappear. I want to lock it all in a box and bury it in the woods. I don’t want to process it. I don’t want to think about it and direct it. I don’t want people who know me to know about it. I can’t face the looks of pity. Every time I’m ever spoken about in the future, they’ll say,You remember Rose, the one who was abducted.
Worse, I can hear my dad telling me how right he was about my decision to move.
But Saint is correct. It’s not working. “I want to be mad at you,” I say, lying back against him.
“Why?” He slides his calloused palms up my arms.
“Because you’re annoyingly observant. The dream started because I was worried there were other women who’d been taken.”
Saint nods. “It’s on your mind. And I’m sure checking out the missing women on the FBI website hit your subconscious.”
“I feel like such a coward, but the man, he said he’d chosen wisely. Like I was picked as opposed to being snatched opportunistically. The fact I know two police officers are involved ... I can’t take a risk they’ll come find me. I need to move. I realized last night that I’ll never know a moment’s safety back at my place, no matter how hard I try.”
Saint glances out of the window. The moon is low. “What if you were able to feel safe another way?”
“Like what?”
He grabs my hips firmly and looks at me intently as if searching for something. Whatever he sees in my eyes answers his question. “Tonight, we drove to the house of the man who shot at us that night. That’s why I left you here alone.”
“You did what? Saint, you could have been killed.”
“Love that your first thought is for my safety, sweetheart,” he says. “I went with my brothers. We placed a tracker on his truck so we can see where he’s going and what he’s doing. He’s over in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I know you’re carrying guilt in case there are or were other women, but we’re going to take them down.”
I sigh, but my breath hitches. “How are you going to do that? How will you know where the other women are?”
“What we’ll do is illegal. It’s better you don’t know.”
I shake my head. “That doesn’t fly with me. I need to know.”
“There’s more going on than I can ever tell you, Briar.”
I shake my head again and fold my arms. “Meet me halfway. How will you find the women?”
“One of my brothers is a certified technical genius. There will be a digital trail. We’re going to track them down, find the buyers, then find the women.”
“By yourselves or with the police?”
Saint shrugs. “Bit of both. If it’s local, we’ll do it to make sure no one ever gets off with a technicality.”
“I can’t ask you to do that for me.”
His eyes meet mine, his gaze intense. “You remember me telling you about the army chaplain I knew? He had this really interesting take on the Army Chaplain Corps motto. It wasPro Deo et Patria, for God and country. And he struggled with the idea that serving Godandserving his country could be equal. Partly because, as a true believer in God, he believed he served Godaboveall others. God first in all things. And the military doesn’t expect theological answers to battalion questions. Like a day of repentance for shooting someone when it goes againstthou shalt not kill.”
