Page 104 of Perfect
“I didn’t mean it,” she whispers as she strokes her hands down my neck. I watch her mouth closely, and when she doesn’t bite her lip, I feel like I can finally breathe again. I give her a reassuring smile as her eyes start tearing up.
“I know you didn’t.”
“I’m so sorry.” I push her hair behind her ears, shaking my head slightly.
“It’s okay.”
“I didn’t - with Ben, I didn’t -”
“I know, honey.”
“Thank you for showing up.” I gently cup her face in my hands, looking deep into her eyes.
“Alex, I’m always going to show up, I fuckingpromise. You’re mine, and I’m never going anywhere, okay? I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you.” Her bottom lip quivers for a second before she starts sobbing and collapses in my arms. She buries her face in my neck, and I hold her close until she calms down, trying to help her slow her breathing.
We barely talk for the rest of the night, but something feels settled between us. We’re totally unguarded with each other, and things feel right in a way they haven’t before. I make her dinner, and she stays in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and watching me, smiling whenever I look at her. We curl up on the couch after dinner, drinking tea and watching something I ignore because I’m focused on how Alex is leaning into me and shaking slightly, even though I don’t think she’s cold. I pull her into my lap and wrap a blanket around us, which seems to help her relax. I keep her locked tight in my arms and press my lips against her skin, telling her over and over that she’s okay. When we go to bed, she curls into a much tighter ball than usual, andshe digs her fingers into my skin when I wrap an arm around her waist.
“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” I whisper into her hair as I hold her tighter. I revel in how she unfurls in my arms instantly, turning over and burying her face in my chest, her hands gripping my shirt tightly. She starts shaking a little, and I can tell she’s crying, so I just hold her and try to soothe her.
She’s finally trusting me.
I knew we’d be able to work past her trust issues. I knew she wanted this, wantedme. I know she understands that we’re connected somehow. I know shecanlove me back, that she’sgoingto love me back. I’m not stupid enough to think she won’t still be guarded and scared, or that she won’t still push me away, but this is massive progress.
I hate that it happened this way, but I think what she needed to start truly accepting our relationship was to see how much I love her.
I think I needed to see it, too.
I can’t believe she was able to stop me from killing Ben.
No one’s ever been able to get me to calm down when I get that angry. Melissa couldn’t do it with all her screaming and crying, and Ashley only stopped me because she cracked open my fucking head. All Alex had to do was ask.
I don’t think she realizes what would have happened if she hadn’t stopped me.
That’s probably for the best.
***
“You expect me to believe you got that black eye from running into a door?”
“That’s what I said.”
Dr. Mills looks unimpressed. “You realize you’re not even trying to lie, right?” Her tone almost sounds amused, and I can’t help but smile as I shrug at her. “Okay, I’ll bite. What happened tothe door?” The smile slides off my face as I think about walking in on Alex and Ben.
“Oh,the dooris fine, unfortunately. Broken nose, maybe a rib, but nothing serious.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Don’t you think that’s serious?”
“No, I think he deserved worse since he tried to fuckingrapemy girlfriend,” I spit, my tone venomous. Dr. Mills’ eyes widen in horror, and she lifts her hand to cover her mouth, and it’s the most unfiltered emotion I’ve ever seen out of her. She takes a moment to compose herself, letting out a sharp breath.
“How’s Alex?” She seems genuinely concerned, and I feel instantly warmer towards her.
“She’s fine.” It’s not this woman’s business that Alex is stressed and wants to be held constantly. She’s bordering on clingy lately, but I don’t mind that. “I got there in time, so nothing happened.” Dr. Mills stares out the window, her face tight.
“Theodore, I don’t condone violence, and with your history, it’s extremely concerning,” she says, looking back at me, “but I can’t criticize your motivation in this instance. I’m glad nothing happened to Alex.” I blink, slightly shocked. I think this is the first time I’ve ever liked Dr. Mills. “Your heart was in the right place, but I still don’t think you should have started a fight.” I scoff and roll my eyes.
“He started it when he fucking touched her. She didn’t even let me finish it,” I mutter, but I know it’s a mistake the second it slips out of my mouth.
“What does that mean?” Shit, fuck, goddammit.
