Page 109 of Perfect
“I just want to make her happy,” I say, looking away once Alex notices me staring.
***
Once Miles goes to bed, I assume I’ll finally get to spend time with Alex, but she still avoids me. She ends up in a long conversation with the blonde woman in the pantsuit, turning her back to me. I realize it’s because she’s drinking alotand sheknows that I’ll cut her off, so I keep an eye on how much she’s drinking from across the room.
I end up talking to Dylan, his sister, and the couple, who are Bailey’s friends from college. They’re all friendly and welcoming, and I get to avoid talking because Dylan’s an insatiable gossip. He tells us in hushed tones that Catherine and Suzie have opened up their relationship recently and invited their girlfriend, gesturing surreptitiously at the woman Alex is speaking to. I try to stay engaged, but I keep looking at Alex, who is now on her fifth glass of wine and a third small piece of baklava.
She’s eating something, at least.
When she finally walks over to me, she leans into me a little too hard and I realize she’sverydrunk. I think maybe I miscounted the glasses of wine, until I remember that she wouldn’t eat yesterday, or today before dinner, and didn’t even eat much dinner.
God, her drinking is so fucking concerning, and she just ignores me about it. I really need to sit her down and try and talk to her about it. Maybe if I –
“Baby, can we go home?” she slurs sweetly, and every other thought evaporates from my head. I want to keep my face neutral, but it’s hard not to grin at her.
“Yeah, sweetheart. Let’s gohome.” She smiles up at me, drunk enough that she doesn’t even notice the emphasis I place on the word.
***
I hold back Alex’s hair as she vomits into the bushes outside my house, then get her inside and give her a glass of water while heating up some of the mashed potatoes I made for myself. She eats them slowly, glaring at them with animosity.
“IhateThanksgiving,” she slurs, and I cringe as she salts the potatoes for a third time.
“Is that why you got shitfaced?” She groans, shaking her head.
“Theo, don’t. Not today,” she says, frowning down at the mashed potatoes.
“Fine, but we’re talking about this soon, Alexandria.”
“We’re talking about this soon, Alexandria,” she parrots back in a snide voice. “Your kids are going tohateyou.” I bite my tongue hard as I watch her lean against the kitchen island, drunk and miserable and beautiful. I try not to say anything, but I can’t help it.
“They’re going toloveyou.” I whisper it quietly enough that I don’t think she’ll hear me, but she freezes for a second, her eyes widening before she goes back to eating. I know she heard me, but it doesn’t matter. She’s drunk enough that she won’t remember it in the morning.
That’s fine - we’re not there yet. Alex hasbarelyadjusted to our relationship, she’s kind of an alcoholic, and she’s still married to someone else.
I need to fix one massive issue at a time.
We’ll get there, eventually.
33
ALEX
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2
Theo looks down at my feet and frowns. “Sweetheart, we’re goinghiking. Don’t you have hiking boots?” I look down at my sneakers and shake my head.
“No. I didn’t really have a way to go hiking before we started…” I pause as I realize I’m about to saydating, and I stutter out a hurried “…hiking together.” He doesn’t notice my fumble and frowns at my feet again as he opens the car door for me. We drive across the river on a long, narrow bridge and drive up the coast, his hand high up on my thigh, and I laugh when I see the signs for the state park we turn into.
“CapeDisappointment? Is that what I’m in for today?” Theo huffs out a laugh and starts telling me the history behind thename, and it feels normal.Thisfeels normal now, whatever this is. He’s still stalking me, but fighting it seems futile, so I don’t.
That’s a problem.
He’s fully entrenched in his delusion, and he’s starting to pull me down the rabbit hole with him. We spend so much of our time together that we have a weekly routine. Theo’s got enough stuff at my house that he has a whole drawer, and enough of my things are at his house that certain rooms are starting to look lived in.
That’s another problem.
When I babysat Miles the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Bailey and Dylan invited Theo to babysit with me. Miles made him play dinosaurs, which Theo kind of sucked at, almost like he didn’t remember how he used to play as a kid. He and Miles seemed awkward with each other until Theo made him brownies, and then Theo was his favorite of the two of us.
