Page 139 of Perfect
I let him drive me home, and he’s thrilled when I ask him if he wants to get brunch and see a movie on Sunday. I’m delighted when I watch him restrain himself from kissing me when he drops me off.
He’s trying.
42
THEO
THURSDAY, JANUARY 18
“How did your conversation with Alex go?”
I suck in a quick breath and push my hands back through my hair. “Really good. She’s open to dating again, so that’s fucking amazing.” Dr. Mills’ eyebrows shoot up.
“You sound excited, and it's nice to hear you happy, but based on what we've talked about before, is there anything you're worried about?” I shrug, avoiding her gaze and her question and the roiling anxiety in my gut.
“Alex had a list of conditions.”
“Like what?”
“No sex, for starters,” I scoff, shaking my head. “Um, being totally honest, working harder in therapy, letting her take thelead, stuff like that,” I say, speaking quickly enough that I hope Dr. Mills will ignore the one that pertains to her.
She doesn’t.
“Therapy is work that you have to do for yourself, not someone else,” she says in a patient voice.
“Iamdoing it for myself.” Dr. Mills blinks at me, pursing her lips just a little.
“Do you think it’s fair that Alex has made participating in therapy a condition of getting back together?” I sit back, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I want to give her anything she wants, so it’s fine.”
Dr. Mills scrutinizes my face for a long moment. “Theodore, how familiar are you with codependency?”
I groan and roll my eyes. “I read the stupid book you gave me.”
“Then I think we should talk about attachment styles. What do you think?”
“Just ask your fucking questions already.”
“Can we talk about your relationship with your parents?” I drop my head back against the chair and start laughing bitterly.
***
After the appointment, I lean my head against my steering wheel, my body tense with anxiety as I desperately try to breathe and compartmentalize. I’m fighting off a panic attack when my phone chimes.
Alex, 1:03 PM:
still good for sunday?
I exhale, relief flooding through me and easing some of the sharp pain in my chest.
Three more days before I can see her again.
Three more days of not sleeping and trying hard not to do anything wrong, like looking at the tracker or jogging past her apartment at four in the morning oraccidentallycatching a glimpse of her in public when I know she won’t see me.
Theo, 1:04 PM:
I can’t wait.
