Page 140 of Perfect
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ALEX
FRIDAY, JANUARY 19
Anytime I’m not with Theo, I focus on myself.
I try to, anyway.
I make dinner plans with Anna and Jessica, I go to drinks with Bailey, I get lunch with Suzie, and I don’t talk about him at all. I run, I paint, I watch movies, I wander through Astoria, and I don’t wish he was with me. I lay in bed at night, not missing his arms around me and definitely not thinking about him when I’m masturbating.
The next time I see him, he still seems nervous. I try to get him to engage with me, and he tries, but he keeps giving me this look like he thinks I’ll disappear at any moment. He doesn’t relaxat all throughout the movie, constantly keeping himself from touching me.
It’s jarring. I don’t know how I feel about stressed out, unsure Theo.
***
Alex, 11:25 AM:
hey
Theo, 11:53 AM:
What’s wrong?
Are you okay?
Why are you texting me?
i hope therapy goes well today :)
Thanks, Alex.
That means a lot.
see you tomorrow?
I can’t fucking wait.
***
On Wednesday, we go to the sports bar where I first met him, which makes him extremely uncomfortable, but I flirt with him until he finally relaxes a little.
I choose a secluded booth and let him order the drinks so he doesn’t have to watch me interact with the bartender, and I sit close to him and make him watch the Blazers game. Neither of us cares about basketball, but it’s a neutral subject that we can make stupid jokes about, and the easy conversation seems to make him feel better.
By the end of the night, he’s almost the Theo I’m used to.
Almost.
***
Alex, 11:57 AM:
how was therapy?
Theo, 1:00 PM:
I will do anything to not answer that question right now.
