Page 28 of Perfect
“Well, sex and romantic relationships are big for you, so I think being open about them will help us address any potential issues early.” I look out the window, running my hand through my hair and resenting how nosy she is, which she seems to pick up on. “You can be as detailed or vague as you feel comfortable being,” she says softly.
I sigh. “Fine. I care about Alex, and I want to wait until it’s the right time, but it’s hard to be patient.” Especially because I watch her constantly and I haven’t let myself come in days because she hasn’t, but Dr. Mills doesnotneed to know that. She gives me a searching look.
“Would you consider answering a very personal question for me?” I raise my eyebrows at her. “How many sexual partners have you had?”
I snort and look away from her. “Um, alot.”
“Were these girlfriends or casual encounters or something in between?”
“Aside from Ashley, it was usually just sex.”
“Why is that?” I shrug, glancing back up at the clock.
“I lose interest quickly.”
She hums thoughtfully. “Why do you think that is?” I shrug again. These questions are making me uncomfortable.
“I’ve never felt connected to anyone besides Ashley.”
“So, you feel connected to Alex?” I struggle to keep my face neutral.
“I guess so.” From the look that flits across her face, she knows I’m downplaying.
“What was your sex life with Ashley like?”
I narrow my eyes at her suspiciously. “We had a lot of sex, which is normal considering that we were in college and I was in love with her.”
“What did Ashley think about your sex life?”
Oh, fuck her. She’sabsolutelyread Ashley’s victim impact statement if she’s asking this. I take a deep breath, tamping down my anger as I look up at the ceiling.
“I think she called me a sex addict who’d rather fuck her than talk to her or something like that. What’s your point?”
“Do you agree with her opinion at all, in retrospect?” I work hard not to roll my eyes at her.
“I acknowledge that it’s how she felt, but I disagree. We’d always been on different pages about our relationship, apparently, and I think she was unnecessarily harsh because she was angry about what happened.” Dr. Mills hums in acknowledgement and looks down at her notes briefly.
“Do you think your relationship with sexual desire is healthy?”
“It’s fine,” I say quickly.
“It feels like it takes up a lot of space for you,” she ventures, looking at me appraisingly.
“What’s your fucking point?” Her eyebrows raise slightly at my tone.
“Theodore, I think you might use sex as a sort of shortcut to the deeper emotional connection you want in a relationship, and I’m concerned you’re going to repeat that pattern with Alex.” A chill sweeps through my body, but I ignore it. “I understand that new relationships are exciting, and sexual connection is a healthy part of that, but if you’re pursuing a real relationship instead of a casual one, I’d like you to consider that the most important part of any connection you’re building needs to take place outside of the bedroom.”
“I’m aware of that.” She blinks and purses her lips a little, but I’m not lying. Maybe I’m misreading her expression.
***
After considering the conversation on the drive home, I resentfully acknowledge that Dr. Millsmighthave a point.
Iknow Alex and I are connected, and I think she can sense it, but she still needs to see it for herself. Any plans I made definitely got sidetracked after I watched her masturbate, which I should have known was going to be a problem.
I take a deep breath and think of the things I like about Alex that have nothing to do with sex. She’s sweet. She’s friendly. She’s creative. She’s sensitive. She’s smart. She’s perfect for me, and our relationship will be perfect.
Fuck it, I’ll run into her tomorrow and ask her to dinner. I know she’ll say yes, and she might even let me make her dinner, which would be ideal. Either way, it’ll be nice to make her eat a proper meal, because how she eats is bothering the shit out of me. She had a jar of kalamata olives and two pears for dinnerlast night, which is ludicrous. She should have a nice meal every night, just like she should get to come every night. I can give her that, but I need to be patient for a bit longer.
