Page 39 of Perfect
I need to get back in control.
Theo stirs behind me, and I can feel him hard against me. I try to ignore how my body reacts to him and move to get out of bed, but he pulls me back into him. His lips graze my neck just below my ear, and his warm hand pushes down my stomach and into my sweatpants. I feel a surge of warmth between my legs as his hand slides lower, and he makes a content, barely-awake sound.
It’s going to happen either way, but I can choose to let it happen.
His hips press forward as his fingers find my clit, and I bite my bottom lip hard, holding my breath, focusing on how nice it is to be touched. If I can’t control anything else, I can control myself, and I’m choosing to enjoy this.
Theo’s half-awake now, kissing my neck with slow, lazy kisses, and I arch back into him, my head resting against his shoulder. His fingers slide easily against me and he groans,moving his fingers in soft circles. I jam my hand down my sweats, covering his hand with mine and softly moaning as I use him to get myself off.
I’m in control.
“I need to taste you,” he murmurs into my hair, and I keep my eyes closed and nod. He pulls me to the edge of my small bed, pulling my sweats off and pressing his face between my legs, his pace languid as he drags his tongue along my center. I whimper at the sensation of the slow, deliberate strokes of his tongue and try to lose myself to the feeling of his mouth against me, of his hands pushing up my body to cup my breasts, of my nipples rolling between his fingers.
Nothing exists for me outside of those sensations.
My orgasm builds low in my spine, and Theo moans in encouragement as my leg tenses up. He slips two fingers inside of me, fingering me gently as he lavishes attention on my clit, and his other arm moves quickly against my leg as he jerks himself off. I reach down and pull his face closer as I start to come, let him take me through the orgasm, and then push him away when I’m done.
He’s good at this, at least. Danny only ever did it once a year on my birthday for a few minutes before he fucked me, and it was always somehow worse than nothing.
Theo stands up quickly, and I feel his cum spill across my cunt as he lets out a soft moan, but I keep my eyes closed. I let him do that because I’m in control. I wasn’t in control with Danny for a long time, and I learned that lesson the hard way.
Theo seems intent on making me come, at least, so I’ll use him the way I use my vibrator.
Until he kills me, at least.
My eyes snap open as his tongue starts dragging up my cunt again, and I look down at him in surprise. He’s staring at me, his hazel eyes darker than usual as he licks my cunt clean. For justa second, I forget about being in control and focus on what he’s doing.
He crawls up my body and kisses me hard, shoving his tongue inside my mouth and coating it with his salty, rich taste mixed with my own sweet, musky flavor, and I can’t help moaning. I kiss him back, sucking on his tongue gently, getting lost in the moment. He pulls away and looks down at me, breathing hard, staring at my lips with a small smile.
Goddammit, I lost control.
“Good morning,” he says, his voice soft. He leans down to kiss me again, and I flinch away. I force a smile and sit up, pushing away from him quickly, ignoring the confused, hurt look on his face.
“I’m going to take a bath.” I hurry into the bathroom without looking at him again.
***
I scrub my body until I’m red, thinking hard. I need to figure out how I’m going to get out of this. I don’t know much about Theo, but he seems like Danny, possessive and sex obsessed. I can work with that. He’s been stalking me to some extent, and he’s talking about us being in a relationship now, so I guess that’s just how men are with me.
He seems really invested in this relationship idea, almost like it’s been going on in his head for a while, so maybe he’s fucking delusional. I don’t know what to do about that. Is it safer to play into it? He seems to have a bit of a temper, so I don’t want to push him.
No matter what he says, I know he’s going to hurt me, so I need to be careful.
He said we’re spending the weekend together, so I’ll just get through the next two days. I can do that. I’ll run on Sunday,maybe Monday if he spends the night. I’ve been saving a little bit here and there, so on top of what’s left of the money I took from Boston, I’m set. Maybe I’ll go somewhere in the middle of the country, like Michigan or Kansas or Texas. I’ll find another job, another shithole apartment, and I’ll start over again. I’ll be even more careful next time. I’ll avoid all men, especially ones that I’m attracted to, even if they seem normal when they hit on me.
I can’t believe I thought that I could have a guy pay that kind of attention to me and have him not turn out to be a total psycho.
I’m so fucking stupid.
I look in the mirror as I apply moisturizer. I’ll have to cut and color my hair again. I think I can find a red that goes with my complexion, and a pixie cut would suit my face. I steel myself for the day as I dry myself off and dress in jeans and my favorite sweater. I need to be smart about this and figure out how to deal with him. I won’t play into his bullshit, I’ll try not to piss him off, and I’ll figure out what he wants from me. I just have to stay sharp and stay focused.
I can’t get worn down or numb, and Ineedto stay present.
I’m not usually great at that.
Theo’s sitting in the living room on his phone, wearing a tight, cream-colored sweater and dark blue pants, and he looks up at me and smiles.
“You look so gorgeous.” I shrug, trying to smile back at him as I stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He stands up and pockets his phone before he grabs the car keys off the table.
