Page 52 of Perfect
My orgasm washes away my ability to fully understand what’s happening, and everything seems hazy as I lie across the arm of the couch. At some point, my wrists are unbound, andmy arms fall to my sides. My body feels limp and my brain feels like mush as Theo gently pulls me off the arm of the couch and into his arms, pushing my skirt down around my legs. He grabs a blanket off the back of the sofa and wraps it around me, kissing my hair as he holds me against him. I stare into the empty fire grate, warmth and tingling numbness coursing across my skin. Theo holds me close, his fingers trailing along my skin and his lips buried in my hair, praising me for being so good for him, for taking it so well, for doing such a good job.
I hate to admit it, but it feels nice.
The other part felt nice, too, but I don’t understand why.
Ineverliked it when Danny did it.
I barely even felt it when Danny did it, I just pretended it wasn’t happening. I didn’t want to pretend it wasn’t happening with Theo, but I don’t know why not.
I don’t understand why Theo seemed concerned about me at one point. Danny never fucking noticed me.
I sit there, staring into space, too confused to be scared. I feel Theo’s knee start bouncing against my leg, and I see out of the corner of my eye that he keeps looking down at me with a concerned expression, but he keeps stroking my skin and saying sweet things, which makes me feel less numb.
I settle back into my body just as a phone alarm goes off in his back pocket.
“Sweetheart, I need to go check on dinner. Are you okay?” I look up at him, and his face is momentarily concerned, but whatever he sees on my face makes him smirk. “Oh, you’redefinitelyokay.” He kisses my forehead and stands up, settling me back on the couch. I sit there dazed and not fully present while he does something in the kitchen. I struggle to think as I hear him moving around the kitchen and dining room, but every thought is like water in my hands.
He’s gentle with me when he comes back into the room to lead me into the dining room, where the table is set with plates of fragrant food and glasses of water and wine. He pulls my chair out and kisses my temple as I sit. I look up at him smiling softly at me, and then back down at the food. The chicken smells divine, but I don’t touch it.
“Is this drugged?” He looks taken aback and lets out a startled laugh.
“Jesus, of course not.” I watch him start to eat and then cut off a small piece of chicken and spear a mushroom and place it tentatively into my mouth, surprised at how good it is. The food grounds me a little, and I have some of the meager amount of red wine in the glass in front of me, which grounds me more. I wait for a minute or two, pushing food around on my plate, and when I don’t feel drugged, I eat another bite.
The more I’m grounded back in my body, the more stressed I am, and the less of an appetite I have. I put the utensils down, catching Theo staring at me with this weird, focused look.
“Don’t you like it?” I blink at him for a second before the first thing I think spills out of my mouth.
“It’s a good last meal, I guess.” Theo looks startled before his face breaks into a grin.
“I didn’t know you had such a dark sense of humor.” I shrug and don’t eat any more, which he frowns at. “Are youseriouslynot hungry? You haven’t eaten all day.” I cut another small piece of chicken and eat it to appease him. I’mnothungry, but he seems weird about food.
We eat in silence for a while as I attempt to figure out what I’m supposed to do here. He’s going to kill me, but my mind is blurry from the wine and the sex, and I’m too tired to play along or even care that much.
“Why are you doing this?”
Theo shrugs. “I know we were supposed to do this Wednesday, but you didn’t eat anything today, and I thought making you dinner would be nice.” I frown at the earnest look on his face.
Does he seriously think I’m talking about dinner?
“Why are youstalkingme, Theo?” His mouth tightens and his jaw clenches as his expression closes off.
“Alexandria, I know this weekend was tough and it didn’t really go how I thought it would, but we’re together now, so please stop being rude to me. Also, you came here tonight, okay?”
Oh my god, he’s insane.
“Why did you rape me?” Theo grimaces and looks away from me as he sips his wine.
“Can we please keep that one in the bedroom? It makes me uncomfortable.” I stare at him, my eyes wide, and a small lash of anger cuts through the haze in my mind.
“Oh, does being called a rapist hurt your feelings or something?” He looks at me with confusion before his eyes widen in horror.
“We’re on the same page, right?” he asks slowly, his voice strained.
“Whatpage?” His eye twitches slightly, and he takes a long, deep breath as he gets out of his chair and crosses over to mine, getting in my space and pushing me back against the high back of the chair, his expression serious and his voice quiet.
“You’re starting to worry me, so I need you to stop lying and playing games. Tell me if you wanted it.Now.” He’s watching me intently, and I look away from him, embarrassed.
“Ididn’twant that.” He exhales harshly and turns away from me.
