Page 60 of Perfect
I loved Ashley so much that I wound up in prison, and I didn’t have nearly this level of connection with her.
That’s a little scary to think about.
***
Alex is tired when I leave her in the living room, but she’s still the same person I’ve had all weekend, the person I want her to be with me. When she walks into the kitchen for more wine, though, that person is gone. Her face is neutral, but she avoids making direct eye contact with me as she pours herself another glass of wine.
Goddammit, she’s withdrawing from me.
“Dodgers are up,” she says absently before heading back to the living room. I follow her, abandoning dinner.
“Sweetheart? Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, just tired.” I watch her mouth when she speaks. She’s not lying - sheistired, but I can tell that’s not the whole truth. Does she know that I can tell when she’s lying? That would make this harder.
“Um, okay. It’s pretty early, but maybe you should go to bed.”
“I’ll just go home, actually,” she says softly, not looking at me.
“Sure, we can go to your place after dinner.” She raises her eyebrows at her wine glass and takes a long sip, gearing up to withdraw from me further.
“It would be nice to be alone tonight.” I smile at her, trying to hide my displeasure. That’s not going to fucking happen, but I don’t want to tell her that.
I’ve learned that the more alone time she has, the more she withdraws from me, and letting her withdraw when things are going well is a bad idea. I want her to want what we were sharing this weekend.
The longer it takes me to answer, the more resigned her face gets.
“Never mind,” she says quietly. “Let’s go after dinner.”
“Sounds good, sweetie,” I say, heading back to the kitchen. I know I’m being an asshole, but I don’t understand why she’s pushing me away like this. She wasfinallyopening up.
She keeps pushing me away all night. She barely talks to me and barely eats, but I don’t say anything because she’s sensitive about food. She drinks, though, and the more she drinks, the more irritated she seems. When we get back to her place, she seems pissed that I’m there and snaps at me when I ask if she’s okay, slamming the bedroom door in my face.
I’m working hard to keep my temper under control, but she’s being a fucking brat.
Oh.Oh?
I turn the TV on, turn the volume up, and pull up the camera feeds. I watch as she undresses quickly, storming around her room and drawing herself a bath.
She knows I watch her and has been spending as little time naked as possible, but not today. Today, she’s walking around her bedroom in nothing, even though her apartment is frigid. I force myself to stay on the couch, but my knee starts bouncing.
Not fucking Alex has been what she’s needed to open up to me, but it’s only been manageable because she hasn’t seemed to want sex at all. When I watch her grab her vibrator and head into the bathroom, I know I have to leave immediately. I need to wait until she asks for it, but knowing she wants it and isn’t asking is going to make it harder for me to control myself.
That’s what got us into this fucking mess in the first place.
I walk into her bedroom and knock on the bathroom door gently, watching on the camera as she hears me but doesn’t stop. I can hear the low buzz of the vibrator in the water through the door.
I think shewantsto get caught.
I need to leavenow.
“Sweetie, I’m going to head home, okay?” I watch on my phone as she drops her head back over the rim of the tub, closing her eyes. I can’t keep watching this.
“I thought you were going to stay the night?” She soundssohopeful. I slip my phone into my pocket and back away from the bathroom door. I need to get away from her.
“Um, no.Pleasetext me if you need help coming, okay?” I call out over my shoulder as I force myself to leave her apartment.
“You have a camera inhere?You fucking pervert!” I hear her shouting through the paper-thin walls as I hurry down the stairs and rush out of her building. By the time I’m home, she’s in bed and trying again, and finally seems to be getting somewhere.
