Page 65 of Perfect
“I wouldn’t be putting up with your behavior if I didn’t give a shit about you,” he snaps.
“Putting up with my behavior? Oh, I’msosorry. Am I not the girlfriend you thought I was going to be when you stalked me?” His face goes blank, and he doesn’t respond at all. I laugh and shake my head at him, throwing my vibrator back into my nightstand so hard I think I break it.
I walk over and stand in front of him, watching him get more tense as he looks me up and down. “You seem to be fine taking what you want from me, so go ahead.”
He rolls his eyes. “See,thisis why I’m not fucking you. You have such a distorted perception of our relationship.”
“That’s bullshit. We’re not in a relationship, so stop acting like you care!”
“Yes, weare, and Idofucking care! I want you to participate in this relationship, Alex.”
“Not gonna happen, so just fuck me already, okay?”
He shakes his head, smirking. “No,” he says slowly, “I think I want you tobegfor it.”
“I’m not begging you forshit.”
He raises his eyebrows, looking me up and down slowly. “You’re standing in front of me, inlingerie, trying to goad me into fucking you. You want to rethink that?” I get frustrated with his self-satisfied tone and grab his hands, placing them on my waist. He grips me instantly, pulling me closer, although it seems almost involuntary.
“You want me? Just fucking take me.” I see his pupils dilate as he stares down at me, his face so openly hungry that he looks almost predatorial.
What am Idoing?
I can feel his hands shaking, feel his fingers digging into my waist, and I realize I’ve been playing a dangerous game. I shrink back as he starts leaning down towards me, and he seems to stop himself, exhaling hard and pushing me away.
“No,” he chokes out, rushing into the bathroom and slamming the door. The tiny window in my bathroom means there’s no fan, and I hear him spit and start breathing hard.
Oh.
I sit on my bed with my back up against the headboard and stare at the bathroom door as I listen to him masturbate, feeling heat between my legs as I listen to his breathing get harsher.
Why am I so disappointed that he didn’t fuck me?
Is he serious about wanting me to ask for it? I’ve never asked for sex in my life - it just happens when someone else wants it. I don’t know why he wants me to participate in his delusion so badly.
His breathing picks up, and I hear him swear softly, the sink running a few seconds later. He comes back into the bedroom, his face tense and frustrated as he walks towards the bed. He plants his hands on either side of my head, gripping the headboard as he leans down and kisses me hard. The second I sigh and lean into the kiss, he pulls away and gives me a mean smile.
“You’re going to have to fucking beg for it, Alexandria, and I know you will.” I stare up at him, furious and horrified.
He’s right, and I hate him for it.
He’s cautious not to touch me in bed that night. I lay there, staring at the cracking plaster wall across from me, realizing I’ve lost a crucial battle.
He’s taken everything away from me, and now he’s made me want something from him.
I wait until I’m sure he’s asleep before I slip into the living room and curl up on the couch, pushing a small throw pillow against my face to absorb the sound of my sobs.
It takes a long time for me to calm down.
When I’m finally done crying, I look up and see Theo in the doorway of my bedroom, looking confused and upset. I head back into the bedroom, pushing past him and crawling into bed. I’m sure he’s going to start badgering me to talk to him, but he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls me close and holds me, trying to comfort me with soft, murmured reassurances, which only makes it worse.
He makeseverythingworse.
20
THEO
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13
