Page 83 of Broken Hero
“Hey, you know,you knowthat you do not deserve to feel like this. He’s the idiot. He needs help. He’s fucking terrified of losing you, so he decides that he’s going to end it - what fucking sense does that make? Who wants to live like that? He’s my brother and I love him. Yeah, he’s been through hell, but the guy needs therapy. His head is fucked.”
I look up at Jack and sniff as he hands me another tissue. “He said that? That he’s scared of losing me, so that’s why he ended it?”
Jack nods. “That’s about it...yeah.”
My insides hurt. I’m so sick of going around things again and again in my head. I knew something must have happened during the rescue, but I didn't know what. I thought it brought back feelings of Violet, and he realised he didn't feel about me the same way. I’ve had around three hundred scenarios going around in my head, trying to make sense of one is proving impossible. Truth is, the only one that knows how Dec is feeling is Dec.
“I love him, Jack. I miss him.”
He strokes my hair. “I know you do, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. He's too screwed up to love you back right now.”
*****
DECLAN
My heart breaks as I watch the scene between Jack and Sophie. I'm not too screwed up to love her back - I love every fucking inch of her. Seeing her like this - watching her, God, I can’t believe I’ve done this to her.
I’ve done a lot of thinking over these past couple of days, after talking to Vi’s parents, a lot of soul searching, usually with a bottle of Jack in my hand, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve fucked up. She’s special, and she’s the girl that makes everyone smile. I look at her now and see that I’ve broken her. She isn't making anyone smile anymore, and that is on me. I made her happy.Imade her happy...me. Something that Jack said made me think. Whatever the hell she sees in me, no matter how fucked up I am, she’ll take me as is - the whole fucked up package. I make her happy just by being me. It doesn't matter if I have dark days, or days where I'm pissed off with the world, because the truth is since I’ve met her, those dark days hardly come, and when they do rear their ugly head, her light shines so bright that I don't feel them anymore. It's her. It's all about her, but I’ve been making it all about me. I need to sort this out, and I need to do it now. If I'm not too late and I’ve not fucked it up already.
I take a deep breath and walk in. They're still oblivious to my presence until Jack looks up, that is. His face darkens when he sees me, and he silently mouths over her head. “Fuck off.”
I know he’s mad at me - he has every reason to be. I shake my head slowly, not taking my eyes off him.
“Sophie.”
Her body stiffens when she hears my voice.
Her head snaps up and she quickly wipes her face with a tissue. Her eyes are blotchy, and her face is red and puffy. My heart sinks. I’ve never seen her so upset, even with everything with her dad, she never got this upset.
Jack stands up. “Brother, I love you, you know I do, but fuck off out of here, I have never wanted to punch you as much as I do right now, and yeah, you're bigger than me, but with how mad I am right now, I reckon I could take you.”
“Calm down, Jack. I need to talk to Sophie.”
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. He looks down at Soph, my Sophie, and raises his eyebrows.
She gives him a slight nod and turns to me. “Fine, my office, it’s more private.” She takes a visible breath in and walks past me.
I follow her until we get to an office and walk in behind her, shutting the door.
She plants her bottom on a desk - I presume her desk - and folds her arms, waiting for me to speak.
“I'm sorry you're so upset because of me.”
She doesn't say anything. She shrugs and looks away. She’s still trying to compose herself.
“Soph, I'm sorry for everything. I...I was scared. I still am, fucking terrified actually.”
Her eyes widen. “What are you scared of?”
“Losing you.”
“What are you talking about? Youhavelost me, you dumped me, remember? Right after I told you I loved you...thanks for making me feel like the biggest idiot.”
“No, I mean losing you like...like I lost Violet. I know I’ve gone around this in the most fucked up way, but I was falling for you, and after the accident, all the memories came flooding back.
The thought of losing you and going through that again, fuck, I don't think I could stand it - in fact, I know I couldn't. The way I fell for you - so hard and so fucking fast - I just know...and this is so hard for me to admit Sophie, but I know it would hit me worse than Violet. Violet and I were young, and I loved her - no doubt, it was real. But the way I feel about you...I'm older, damaged as fuck, but I know deep down that your soul is matched to mine. That sounds so fucking corny, but it’s the best way I can think to describe it. The way you are, the way you make everyone feel, including me, I think you and I were...Jesus, I don't know, meant to be or something. Like I was meant to meet you. Meeting you saved me. I was in a dark place, on a dark path, and you lit it up and showed me the way. I never want that light to go out again. I want your light with me all the time.”
She looks at me, stunned. “I don't know what to say.”
