Page 84 of Broken Hero
“Say you'll give me another chance.”
She sighs and shakes her head, her shoulders droop. “I can’t. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through? I fell for you harder than I ever thought I could fall for anyone - I would do anything for you - but this is asking too much. You broke my heart - you brokeme. And now you're here telling me you made a mistake. These past few days have been the worst of my life, right up there with losing my mum.”
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Soph. I love you. I do. I love you so fucking much that you can't even possibly imagine how much. I would move the earth for you if you asked me to. I’ll do anything to make this right - show you that it won't happen again. These last few days, I’ve had everyone tell me what an idiot I am, tell me how screwed up I am - truth is, the only person I wanted to speak to was my Blue. So here I am.”
“I don't know what to do with this. I can't trust you again. I know you have issues, babe, believe me, but how do I just forget it all? Because I know why you’ve done it doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
I wince at her words. That hurts me more than she could know, trust is one thing she can be confident of.
“Give me a chance. Let me prove it to you - prove that you can trust me.”
She stares at me for so long I don't know what’s going on in her head. I wish I knew. Perhaps this isn't the right time to lay all this on her - she has been crying. She’s emotional.
She still hasn't spoken, so I talk. “Maybe this isn't a good time to talk to you about this. You're upset.”
I step towards her, and she freezes. “Don't touch me, Dec. I can't think straight if you touch me.”
Well, that gives me hope. She still reacts to me, whether she wants to or not. I stop in my tracks, not wanting to push it any further.
“You need to give me time, give me some time to get my head around all this. I don't know what to do. Do you have any idea how scary it was being trapped in that building? I was terrified, and the one person I wanted wasn't there for me, the one person I thought I could depend on.”
I nod. “You asked me to get Eli first, and I know, of course, I know it was the right thing to do, but I was powerless. I had to walk out of that building, knowing I was leaving you behind. I felt like it was all happening all over again. You get that, right?”
She nods. “I do. I’ve always felt like I got you and made allowances when I needed to, but I don't know if I can forgive that. You put your fear...your grief...over me.”
My heart sinks when I realise that this isn't going to go the way I hoped it would. I think the best thing I can hope for at the minute is if she doesn't give me a straight-out no.
“I get it, I keep thinking if I were in your shoes, what I would feel, and it sucks...I suck.”
“I . . . I need time Dec. My head is so screwed up right now. I don't know which way is up.”
I nod. “We have this joint stag and hen thing in a couple of weeks; why don't I give you breathing space until then? Maybe see how you feel that weekend, we can spend time together - when things aren't so raw.”
She nods. “I can do that, but no pressure, yeah?” She gives me a small smile.
“No pressure, Blue, I promise. I just want you to see that I'm not going anywhere.”
I give her a sad smile and open the door to leave. I turn around before I go. “I love you, Sophie. I'm sorry - but know this - I will fucking love you until the day I die.”
It takes everything in me not to touch her as I leave. My body demands physical contact with her, and I have to resist with everything I have in me.
I walk out of the door.
