Page 10 of Kings of Lust
No matter what my decision could have been, it seemed it wouldn’t be right.
‘Yes. I did sometimes, and sometimes I hated it. But it’s not the same with you, Ferris.Nothing is the same as it is with you.’
I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing out of the desperation to convince him. He needed to know that he was so different from them. But how could he ever do that unless he was looking directly into my soul? And in those moments, I wasn’t sure what he could find there any longer.
‘You felt it that night when I asked you to go on. I risked the safety of my family because of you.’
‘What about now? What do you feel now?’ He let his hand hide beneath the hems of my dress, advancing upward on my thigh while his damn knife was still resting on the goose-bumped skin of my breasts. ‘I asked you a question,’ he demanded an answer again as I could feel the edge of my panties being tugged down on my legs.
How could I answer when I had no idea what was happening to me anymore?
Fear was mixing with lust while my conscience was one step away from sending me into a total breakdown. Or maybe it was time to tell him exactly the truth ‘Fear!’ I cried out, forcing myself to admit it, though his fingers advancing to my center, yanked a second confession out of me ‘And lust!’
I knew it wasn’t normal. I knew it shouldn’t be normal. But his fingers running through my folds as the impetuous bulge in his pants that was spiking up his breath were almost making me ignore the knife and focus on that tormenting movement that was coming alive on my skin.
‘Lust,’ his voice was dripping the word as I felt one of his fingers probing dangerously at the edge of my entrance. ‘You can leave right now. I can stop if you ask me to. There doesn’t have to be a new deal.’
I recognized exactly what he was doing. He showed me his madness, letting the weight of the decision fall on my shoulders.Iwas the one that needed to decide if I wanted to go or remain with his knife watching over me.
It was a matter of complete trust, when in reality,I could never trust him again.
Was I to part from his sweet madness?
To betray all goals because of fear?
I couldn’t think straight.
I couldn’t see straight with the burden of an entire city pressing down on me, but also with the burden of my own heart.
Was it pity?
Feelings?
Fear?
Or maybe it was crazed magnetism, but I felt incapable of letting him go, even if my instincts were screaming at me to do so.
All thoughts materialized into just one answer ‘I don’t want you to stop. But I do want you to get rid of the knife. I told you before, I’m afraid of it.’
I suppose he expected me to run. Maybe on a subconscious level, even wanted me to do so, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of certifying him as a monster.
Despite my request, the silvery blade remained over my nipple as his fingers were becoming impossible to bear. I felt the need to come up with a plan of quickly disposing of the sharp blade that was still filling my heart with a cold chill. ‘Kiss me,’ I called to him with my voice dripping with desire, getting his lips to almost instantly overlap mine but also getting him to set the knife aside on the bedsheet so that it wouldn’t get in our way.
I had won and lost at the same time, feeling something break within me, realizing that no matter how hard I was trying to fool myself, Ferris wasn’t who I wanted him to be.
Still, that part didn’t even matter any longer. This was just a deal, as were the other two I had, and I would see it no differently.
A means to an end. Just physical consumption of one’s needs.
Everything would be so easy if Iactually believedthe rational thoughts that were racing through my mind. However, I was still far from doing so as my treacherous body was squirming with every flicker of his tongue.
‘Don’t take me for a fool, Bea,’ he pushed the knife aside, showing me that he had caught on to my plan, and that he was disposing of the piece of metal as a result of his choice, not because he’d fallen into my trap.
With a swift move, he raised my hips to thoroughly accommodate himself between them, rushing to ditch the burden of his pants.
I knew what was to come. My eyes closed instinctively, preparing for pain to rip through my body, and impatiently waiting for the suffering to turn into pleasure. I had no doubt that he was preparing to do just that, but to confuse me even more, he decided to go back on his decision. ‘No, not like this...’ it was like he was talking to himself, convincing the beast to tone down, letting, at the same time his body weight fall over me, caging my chest between the strength of his arms.
With unhurried kisses he reached my lips, then fell upon my round breasts, feasting on each curve with sinful longing.
