Page 19 of Make Me A Sinner
The girl brings us some more ice, then reaches to pour us some whiskey. And I can’t help but notice the damn thing’s shaking like a leaf. I know it has something to do with our not so friendly appearance. I don't usually bother to wipe the danger warnings off my face and my informant looks like he’s fresh out of jail. But the place is crawling with low-lives, so dealing with someone from the underworld shouldn't be so intimidating to one of the workers. That makes me think she's new here, especially as I notice a few drops of whiskey spill onto the table.
I raise my gaze to look at her. I hadn't paid much attention earlier because nothing in these kinds of places raises my interest. But now that I take a closer look, I doubt she's even eighteen. I know where this is all going—today just serving drinks, next week, she's riding the pole, and the month after, she ends up with her throat slit in an alley—or worse.
But it's none of my business. I’ve got enough shit on my mind as it is. So I just take my drink and swirl the ice in the glass to get the whiskey nice and cold as I wait for her to leave so I can pay this guy.
As soon as she does, I throw the stack under a cloth napkin, then push it toward him. "Don't come back empty-handed," I warn him, not bothering to tell him what’ll happen if he does. He already knows what a mistake could cost him.
Reaching for my phone, I text Whiro about what I’ve got, then head out. I don’t make it to my car, though. Not because that's not where I was heading, but because I run into the waitress again. And since Serena’s clearly fucking with my head, I end up pulling a few hundred-dollar bills from my pocket, along with my business card. "Hey, kid. Go home. Change. And then head straight to the Sphinx. Ask for Fernando—he's the Maître d’." My gaze is trained on her, making sure she gets the message. This is her ride out of hell. "When you find him, give him this card and tell him to give you a waitress job in the eastern section. The tips there will match what you do here."
Here I am, the devil, offering salvation—and it’s all on Serena.
"What's… What's the trick?" she asks, doubtful—because everything in this world comes with a price, especially here in Vegas.
"No trick. If Fernando gives you trouble, tell him he can call me." I pause, trying to figure out from the look on her face whether she’ll go through with it or not—but at least I tried. "And kid, don't be spilling my drinks."
My business card doesn't land in many hands, so if she shows up at my hotel, no one will ask questions. They will hire her on the spot no questions asked.
I head home, in desperate need of a few more glasses of whiskey. And maybe some peace and quiet. But I also know things won't go my way because my math hasn't quite fit since Serena came into my life.
And as much as I hate being right this time, I am.
It seems I'm running my mouth around this place for nothing because there’s Serena curled up on the couch with an emptyice cream bucket next to her, and a look on her face like the apocalypse just knocked.
"Are you trying to get on my nerves, or can you just not help yourself?" I mutter, one step away from losing my mind, afterIspecifically guaranteed her nothing bad would ever happen to her. Not as long as I’m still breathing.
"What did I do now?" she snaps, crossing her arms, like I'm the one with the attitude.
"Stop it," I warn, tired from all the interacting with people I’ve done the last day. I don’t function like this.I can’t function like this.
She suddenly turns on the couch to stare out the window—a move clearly meant to show me just how pissed she is. "I didn't start this," she mutters, still gazing outside.
She did not just turn her back on me.
"Have you been drinking, or what the fuck happened to you while I was out?" I’m already irritated by her mood swings. "Are you on your period? Is that it?" I try to find a logical explanation for her attitude. Because for someone so mad about possibly dying, her survival instincts are seriously shit, if she thinks pushing me is a good idea.
"No, that's not it," she grunts, still refusing to face me. "You want to know what happened to me? You happened to me." This time, she does turn to look at me, a few tears glistening on her cheek. "You with your plans, with your heist, with your killings. You who mademea killer."
I knew that leaving her alone at home wasn't a good idea. That's not happening ever again. Honestly, I’d rather deal with her general attitude than with all that shit her mind can conjure, given enough time. Overthinking is an understatement when it comes to Serena, and—to a point—I understand where all this is coming from. But that doesn't mean I'm going to tolerate it.
It's not even anger that I’m feeling. It's disappointment. I thought she’d get it by now—everything that I did was meant to help her break free from her own imposed restrictions.
That doesn't mean I'm giving up on her. I won’t ever be able to give up on her, no matter what she throws at me, or how hard she fights me back. She could fight me for eternity if it meant loving me for a single day.
"Stop lying to yourself," I say calmly. Maybe this way it’ll finally get through that thick skull of hers. I’m not trying to come off as angry this time. I know some people don't react well to stress, and she’s one of them. "First off, I’ve got everything under control. You don't need to worry about the contract. And as for me, making you a killer, maybe with Nick, sure, I put the knife in your hand, and I made you use it. But the detective? It was all you. This isn't something I could’ve created, not in the three real days we spent together back then. This comes from inside you, no matter how badly you want to deny it." I keep my eyes on her, hoping she’ll finally see the truth. "That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a survivor. It makes you strong. It shows who you really are. Besides, things aren’t always what they seem. Just think about how much damage Nick caused. How easily he would’ve ended your life to save his. How easily he could’ve done it again to someone else. And the detective… did you see the list of names I carved on him? How many more would’ve followed if we hadn’t ended him back then? You only see the parts you want to, but sometimes it takes strength to end a greater evil. I hope you get that some day. But the more you push me away, the more certain I am, you never will."
I might be a monster, but I'm not trying to make her one. I'm just trying to make her strong enough to fight her own monsters.
I leave her in the living room to think about what I said while I go to shower and change. I've been in the same clothes for a day,and it's beginning to wear on me. This and everything else that's been going on in my life since I found her in Italy.
I barely recognize myself anymore. A few months ago, if I had been running for a whole day to save her life, and I were coming home to this, it would’ve been the beginning of a new apocalypse. But now… now I have to try a different approach. I don’t know if it’ll work. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see it through to the end, but I'm running out of options with her.
Getting angry isn't a solution, or a punishment that would hit hard enough. I have a more efficient way to teach her a lesson. And I'm putting it to use—effective immediately.
I head back to the living room for my phone charger since the one in my bedroom’s missing—Serena's doing, of course.
I don't plan on sticking around there with her, especially not when I know she’ll say something that will eventually trigger me and will probably lead to a massive fight. And I’m enough of a monster as it is—without the fight. Besides, I haven't checked on my other businesses for a couple of days, and I need peace and quiet to get through the reports that are stacking up in my emails.
She’s still on the couch when I return, but with a much more docile look on her face. I ignore her. I'm actually halfway out of the living room, heading to my home office, when I hear her calling out my name. "Set," she whispers, her voice slightly trembling—just enough to fuck up my entire existence, and definitely my plans for the rest of today.
