Page 9 of Brand
“Why?” I asked because I was suddenly really confused.
I looked at Chris for a long beat. I could see how he was cute. He had nice hair, that almost hipster thing going on, maybe mixed with a bit of surfer boy. His eyes were genuine and held a playful light in them. His lips were soft looking, and his bottom lip was full.
“I think you should kiss me,” I blurted out.
“What?!” He shook his head like I was being completely insane.
“We’re friends. I think you’re a pretty cool guy. Maybe I’m like half-gay or something. Or completely. How would I know if I haven’t even thought of it? Or tried it? It could be the thing I’ve been missing all along.”
“Oh, wow,” he said as he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “You’re drunk, Brand. I don’t think you know what you’re asking at this point. And I’m not even going to acknowledge the ‘half-gay’ thing.” He tried to laugh it off but I could hear the trepidation in his tone.
“No, I’m dead serious. If you kiss me and I feel nothing, then I have to have my answer, right? Because as close as I feel to you, there has to be at least a little spark there, right?”
“I can tell you without kissing you that you won’t feel anything. Matter of fact, I could probably tell you what it is that’s holding you back in your love life. You are too drunk for this. We both are.” He mumbled the last little bit.
“Just one. Doesn’t even have to last that long.”
Then he was up out of his seat and moving over to me.
I wasn’t expecting him to straddle my lap, but that was what he did. Awkwardness took over, like any other time I had been with someone, so I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t know what to do, or where to put my hands, so I just sat there frozen.
“Why are you sitting on my lap?” I asked like an idiot.
“Because someone has to be the chick in this situation,” he answered with a huffed laugh.
“Is it really like that when you are with another guy? Like someone has to be the girl?” I was genuinely curious.
While we had talked about dates and such he had been on, I never really took the time to ask the questions that were always in the back of my mind. Maybe I was a little afraid of coming off as disrespectful or stupid. The last thing I ever wanted to do was create some sort of wedge or awkwardness between the two of us. So, I tended to keep my mouth shut. It honestly wasn’t like I cared either way. Chris was Chris, at least that was how I saw it in my mind.
“No, not usually, with me anyway. I’m with a guy to be with a guy. But I figured this would makeyoumore comfortable.”
And before I could say anything else, his huge, rough hands were cupping my jaw and his lips were on mine.
Not gonna lie, the kiss was nice and sweet. He gave it his all, that was for sure. Even managed to sneak a little tongue in there, and because I was so awkward in any sort of situation like this, I might have given in and gave it back. He pulled back and looked down into my eyes.
Then we both laughed. Because it had been ridiculous. There was nothing there. There was no spark, no fireworks. There wasn’t even a hint of enjoying it. His lips were nice, but his light scruff rubbing up against my face just felt a little off. It wasn’t for me and I truly knew that now.
“Anything?” he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he moved off my lap, then plopped back down in his seat.
“No, sorry, dude,” I answered truthfully. “It was a great kiss though. I mean, you do have some serious talent there.”
He laughed and bumped his knee against mine.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“You didn’t…we’re good, right?” Because the last thing I wanted to do was mess up our friendship. I guess I should have thought of that before. But then again, I was drunk and all.
“We’re good. I’m not harboring some secret crush on you and just realized I’m in love with your dumb-as-fuck ass.” He laughed and right then, I knew we’d be alright. “I can’t believe you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. So if I’m not gay then there has to be something wrong with me.” I let out a sigh as my head fell back.
“Nah, nothin’ wrong with you,” he said like he had all the answers. “You are just one of those deep romantic types. You love with everything you have in you and you don’t give that love to just anyone. You have to get to know someone and get past the surface level for you to even feel anything towards them. That’s why you don’t have random sex, because you need it to mean more.”
“Hmmm…” I hummed as I mulled over his words.
I thought back to my sad past of love.
There had been my high school girlfriend. We had waited six months before having sex, and when we finally both had, I’d thought we were both virgins. Turned out, I was the only one saving myself. She, in the meantime, had been giving it to my best friend. And then his brother. And then the whole football team. Yeah, it ended right after I found all of that out. And I really was heartbroken then because I was in love with her to the point I thought we’d get married and have babies and all that shit. I’d always chalked it up to being a stupid seventeen-year-old kid.
