Page 60 of Ky
“Sure, why not,” Mouse said with a shrug.
“Thanks, brother. Cami’s dropping them off in a few.”
I chatted for a few minutes then headed back to the garage.
With Ingram’s appointment out of the way and the news that the baby was fine, I had nothing to take my mind off of the other shit that flooded my head.
Chris.
Yep. That guy.
The one that had continued to make my world spin out of control the last few months. And the more I was around him, the more I had to fight the confusion. Then again, after what happened the other night everything should have been crystal clear.
I had no idea what was holding me back. I knew I’d been an asshole to Chris, yet again. It wasn’t even that I kept him at a distance and treated him like any of the other guys, no, I had to take it a step further and ignore him the whole damn night. Except when I watched him walk to the back room. I had no right to expect him to welcome me with open arms, but I did. I hated being around him but feeling like I had to keep my distance. Why I did feel that way? Well, I was still trying to figure that out.
“You good, man?” Lake asked as he came back into the shop after lunch.
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“Okay, I’m just going to say this because this shit has got to stop,” he said and I turned to him, waiting for him to go on. I knew I wasn’t going to be happy with anything that was to come. “You’ve got a lot going on right now, Ky. You have your sister here and I know she needs a lot from you and that is understandable. You’re taking care of her and still working here nearly every day and keeping up with club stuff, as well. So, I get that you might be stressed out and irritated, but for the love of all of our sanity, will you please figure out at least one thing in your life and find a way to smile again.”
I barked out a laugh.
“Dramatic much?” I asked with a half-smirk.
“Dude, I’m just sayin’, there’s more going on there with you.” I narrowed my eyes at him because it wasn’t a question. “I’ve known Chris a long time. Solid guy right there. Doesn’t deserve the shit you’re slinging his way. The other night I didn’t want to say anything in front of everyone, but I saw how you practically ignored him. I know he doesn’t have a problem with who he is, so my question is, do you?”
There was a bite to his tone, an over-protectiveness for Chris that caught me off guard. I couldn’t answer. I didn’t think I even breathed.
“The club cares about your loyalty, not who you fall in love with.”
He turned his back on me, not even giving me a chance to respond. Not that I could at the moment. I wondered if I’d been that transparent or if it was because Lake knew Chris so well.
I let out a long breath and turned my back to hide the million emotions that I was sure were playing out on my face.
I went back to work, but only to have an excuse to roll under the GTO and hide away. I took a good long look at myself and how I’d gotten here.
What I figured out after an hour of doing nothing was that I had started to hate myself. Not for the reasons some might think. I didn’t like this person that was afraid. The one that felt like he had to hide. I realized then that the only person that had a problem with the whole thing was my own fucking self. What a fucking idiot I was.
I rolled out from under the car and got to my feet. Lake jerked his gaze in my direction at the commotion I had caused in the process of standing.
“You’re right. Fuck it,” I declared and actually smiled like a crazy man.
“’Bout fuckin’ time,” he said with a shake of his head.
“So what do I do now? How do I fix this?” I asked and actually winced at my dumbness.
“You could start with a huge apology.”
I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of ‘sorry’ but he shook his head at me.
“Not to me, dumbass.” He gave me a flat look, making me feel really small.
“Right,” I said nodding.
“Speak from the heart, Ky. I hear that always works well. Maybe confess your feelings and whatnot. I know that’s going to be hard for you, but all you have to do is try.” His words followed me all the way out of the shop and his laugh almost rang out over the rev of my engine.
I gave him the bird and a smile as I rolled past, then peeled out of the lot like a man on a mission…because I kind of was.
