Page 57 of Clean Hack
I had a strong urge to track down Burke and check on him. Oh, and Nadya was probably wondering what was going on with me. I needed a computer. As I looked around the room, I got a good feeling that I wasn’t going to find one here.
I was worried about Burke. The desperation that I’d heard in Harrison’s voice still rang in my ears. He needed his man out and had been fearful of Burke losing himself in this job. I hadn’t gotten enough from the situation that night in the warehouse to be able to tell anything. He seemed like he was okay, but he was also a man good at hiding things. Which, of course, was good for the jobs he had to do. But not so good at being able to tell if he was teetering on the edge of darkness or completely consumed by it.
I prayed that he was stronger than I was giving him credit for. He was, I just knew it. But that didn’t mean that all of it, those long years he was under, doing only God knows what, didn’t have some effect on him. Maybe I’d never know.
I decided to take a moment to call Nadya. She’d sent me her new number just like she’d promised. It took me a long minute of sitting there staring at my phone before I got the nerve to hit send.
“I want to ask, but I feel like I shouldn’t,” she said as she answered without even giving a hello.
“Yeah, um, that was pretty crazy, right?”
“I guess,” she said and I pictured her giving a little shrug. “Things are…different now.”
I felt like I was on the edge of breaking. I wanted to pour my heart out and cry and yell and so many other things, but I wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with it. It wasn’t like we’d ever really done that sort of thing with each other before.
“Because they are,” she answered shortly.
“Where am I supposed to go from here?”
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out for myself.”
“You have the big guy now.”
“Yeah, I do,” she said and I would have sworn I heard a wistful sigh after she spoke. “But just because I…care for him deeply, doesn’t mean that I have things figured out. There is still the whole thing with his son, you know, he has one. How will that be? Will it change now that he can come home? Maybe, Noah doesn’t need me now. Or maybe, he hates me for the things I’ve done.”
“I’m going to go ahead and say that you are over thinking it. I’m not even going to sugar coat it. He loves you and you know that you love him, whether or not you want to admit it to me. And I have a feeling that you grew closer to his son than you thought you would. Something happened in that safe house and you had trouble walking away.”
“You might be right.”
“Iamright,” I said with a laugh.
“How is it that you are sitting there giving me love advice when you can’t even figure out your own situation? Should I ask where you are? I would guess not at your place.”
I bit my lip to try and hold back a smile.
“You’re completely right. I feel things and it seems strange. Like it is too soon to have such a deep connection.”
“The first moment I saw Noah, I knew deep down inside that there was something about him. I wouldn’t allow myself to admit it even a little. But I knew that I was going to try to save him from his misery rather than put him out of it.”
“You love him,” I said, taunting her in a joking manner.
She cleared her throat and I giggled.
“Yeah,” she said. “And I already told him so.”
My eyes went wide with shock. While Noah seemed to be one to wear his emotions and heart on his sleeve, Nadya was the complete opposite. Cool to the point of being cold. I imagined that it would have taken years for her to open up to someone like that. But I guessed the big lug had a way of finding a into her armor. Or maybe she had just realized that she couldn’t fight it no matter how hard she tried. Whatever the reasoning was, I was happy for her.
“Don’t act all weird about it,” she said and I heard the laughter in her tone. “And don’t expect me to talk about it.”
“Oh, I would never.” I smiled even though she couldn’t see it.
“I don’t want to ask, but I feel like our worlds are going to mingle even more. Maybe they already have,” she said. I knew there were questions there and she was curious about the answers. Even if I didn’t tell her now, she’d eventually figure it out.
“Yeah. I grew up with Allison. The one that was being held by Savage. He took her seven years ago and ever since then I’ve been trying to find her again. I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think she might be well on her way to being, what do they call them, an old lady?” I laughed.
I’d heard the term a few times and understood its meaning. Thinking of Nadya taking on the title made me double over with laughter.
“Yeah, I get that feeling too. And just so we’re clear, no way in hell is anyone going to call me someone’s old lady. Pretty sure Noah knows better than to even try.” There was a flatness to her tone, not an ounce of joking there. “I don’t know him very well, but I can tell that Axe would do anything to keep your girl safe. I see a deep-bedded darkness there. One that I see he wants to have control of. He won’t let it ruin him, or her.”
