Page 62 of Clean Hack
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The Day The World Exploded
Lucy
Okay. So I didn’t go and check out the store or whatever that he told me about. I could have, sure. Maybe. Alright, the thought of stepping out of the front door had me sweating and even shaking a little. Could I do it? Sure, I could have if I really took the time to focus on my breathing and calm myself down. The thing that sucked was that I knew it was all in my head. Even with that, I had no idea how to explain whatitreally was. It was like I was blocked. Silent fears whispered into my ears but they didn’t have a specific face. It wasn’t like I thought I’d get hit by a car. Or get mugged. Or somehow get trapped inside of a burning building. And I didn’t have the extremes going on either. Like, oh, you know, the apocalypse was coming at any second. Or the air outside was poisoned. Or if someone touched me they could be carrying some kind of X virus and I might get infected. Then naturally, I’d be turned into a zombie or a giant human or something.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t making fun of people that legitimately had those fears. I understood enough with how I’d become to see how people could get trapped in their head and not see what was real and what wasn’t. So, no, I wasn’t brushing those fears off as a joke. I just didn’t have them. I honestly couldn’t explain what it was that I had. It was there. It very much felt real. I panicked at the thought of going out into the real world. The idea of having to interact with people made me break out in a cold sweat.
I eventually gave up trying. And I did my best to push it out of my mind because fretting over something as simple as trying to fight off an attack over stepping foot outside of this condo, eventually wore me down. I bordered on depressed because of it and that wasn’t good given the compounded emotions I was already going through.
I cleaned. Funny right? Given that it was Clean’s place and all. The place was in decent shape. I really didn’t find much more than a thin sprinkling of dust on a few things. Like maybe it had been a little while since he’d been here. I didn’t go snooping. I could have and maybe I thought about it once or twice, but I didn’t want to learn about him from the things I found when he wasn’t looking. I wantedhimto be the one to share his story with me. Maybe we’d get there. Maybe not. But I had a strong need to hold out hope.
Odd as it might have been, I carried that sadly adorable little platypus around to every room I went. While I was surrounded by Derrick’s things, being in his space and all, I didn’t really feel him around me. This little guy though, it was all Derrick. And the love and thought and time he’d put into it made my heart flutter. I wanted to ask so many questions but held them back. Not like I could have really spoken then away because I had suddenly gone all emotional girl. I kept the tears back but they were there. It was a simple thing, but it hit me in the biggest way possible. I yearned to know if he thought of me when he made it. But I guessed he must have, being that it was my idea and all. I never thought he’d actually make the thing when I had suggested it. Hell, I didn’t actually think he was serious about taking up woodcarving. I wondered if he’d been carrying it around with the hope that he’d one day give it to me. I guess none of that really mattered now. But I still itched to know about the man and how he thought.
There’s time,I whispered to myself having this deep, gripping feeling that we weren’t going to separate any time soon. He seemed like he really wanted me to be here when he got back and it left me with a sense that this was far from over.
I sat around. I watched TV, finding myself falling in love with shows I didn’t even know were out there. In a way, I was catching up on all the things I’d missed. I tried to sleep, but I just ended up tossing and turning for a few good hours before I got back up.
I found my laundry, dry but still sitting in the dryer. I should have been embarrassed that he’d gone through my things and even touched my undergarments. But it didn’t bother me one bit. I folded my clothes and waffled for a few minutes on where I should put it all. There was tons of room in the closet, but I felt like that might have been overstepping. In the end, I decided to leave them in a nice pile on the chair in the corner of the bedroom.
Then I showered, feeling the need to take a moment to relax. I enjoyed the hot spray as it pelted my skin. When I was done, I dressed, choosing to put on a black bra and matching panties. I wasn’t even aware that I’d packed them. I mean, when I had originally left I knew I wasn’t going into something where I’d need anything sexy like that. Maybe future me was somehow watching over me while I had been frantically packing. I didn’t even think twice as I slipped on one of his shirts.
I was in the kitchen trying to figure out what I wanted to eat. It was sometime in between breakfast and lunch and since I’d forgotten to eat this morning, I wasn’t sure what to call it. A snack maybe? I shrugged, figuring it really didn’t matter as I bent over to dig something out of the fruit drawer at the bottom of the fridge.
“Honey, I’m home.” His voice hit my ears and I didn’t even flinch. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard him come in.
I closed the drawer, straightened, and then turned on the balls of my feet to face him. There was a witty remark hanging on the tip of my tongue, but it got lost as I met his eyes.
There was fire there.
Yes, like the hottest of heat as he looked at me. His eyes did a slow scan from the tips of my toes upward, lingering a beat longer on my chest where I knew he could see my black bra under the white fabric.
He visibly did a hard swallow before bringing his eyes to meet mine.
“I…” His voice sounded low, thick, and raw. It sent a shiver down my spine the moment it hit my ears and I felt my flesh prickle all over.
I felt more exposed than I really was. And that was saying something because I was currently wearing just three things. I had no doubt that he had gotten a view of the dark moon as he walked in seeing as I had been bend over and all.
Heat hit my cheeks as I held his gaze, both of us seemingly frozen in some kind of trance.
“Oh, fuck,” I said not really meaning to say it out loud.
He was still wearing what he’d left in. Or so I assumed. I didn’t see any blood on him so who knew? Maybe he’d changed at some point before he’d headed back. But regardless, he looked fucking hot in that button-up shirt and black slacks. So hot it set my body on fire.
And I was moving to him before my brain was even aware of it. His arms wrapped around me tightly, grippingly, as I crashed into his body. Our lips were on one another’s in the blink of an eye. And while the kiss still held that sweet tenderness that I’d come to know in such a short time, this went deeper. There was need and want and desire. I was sucked in instantly and I didn’t want to pull away. As his fingers tangled in my long hair, I guessed he didn’t want to either.
The kiss went on for minutes. Hours. Eternity. That was what it felt like anyway. Then his hand grabbed a firm hold on my ass and he lifted me up with ease. The coolness of the counter on my bare thighs caused my body to shiver.
When he did leave my lips, he continued to trail kisses across my jawline and down my neck. I moaned because I couldn’t help it. I wanted more. I needed all of him. Right then, right there. Filthy from a dirty job and surrounded by the cleanliness of the kitchen.
His fingers began to slowly work the buttons of my shirt. I was rid of the shirt a lot quicker than I thought I would be given the lingering caresses to my bare skin between each button. I was free, I was bared to him in more ways than one. The shirt slid down my arms and he broke away. His eyes greedily raked over every part of me. My chest heaved, my heavy breasts pushing against the fitting cups of my bra with every deep inhale.
“You are…” His words trailed off like he couldn’t even think of the right one to describe me. It made me feel some sort of beautiful on a whole different level. I felt tears in my eyes, but it wasn’t because I was sad. “Everything,” he whispered like he was so lost in what he was seeing.
“Derrick,” I whispered, strangely choked up.
I maybe couldn’t have begun to explain what was going on between us. But I knew how he made me feel. He lit me up from the inside. He made me want to break down walls. He made me want more out of life than trapping myself in a room and hiding away.
