Page 9 of B-ry
It was all so very wrong.
Luckily, once we got to the restaurant, Cami looked like she had relaxed a little.
I picked the Phoenix Fire Café for multiple reasons. One being that it felt familiar and I needed that right now. It also had privacy which I desperately needed for this conversation. The fact that I had called off the engagement hadn’t really gotten around yet and I didn’t want to take the chance that someone would overhear. I was also well acquainted with their menu. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus on looking at what I really wanted to eat, not that I felt I could eat. At least this way I could play it cool.
“Okay, this isn’t easy to say,” I said after I had ordered a salad and Cami chose the grilled cheese loaded with grilled veggies. It sounded delicious but it wasn’t like I had the luxury of eating such things ever. I had been thinking that spitting it out right away would be the best thing.
“Are you… pregnant?” she asked pushing the last word out in a hushed whisper like it was the worst thing to say out loud. Then she started to back peddle and babble. “I mean, if you are, that’s great. I’m excited. And I’m here for you no matter what you need.”
She sounded genuine in that last part and that was what gave me the courage to press on.
“Oh, God!” I said as the thought of what she had really asked hit me. “Wow, Cami.” I let out a frightened laugh as I held back the tears. “I, um, I broke it off with Brice.”
Alright, it was out now and I couldn’t turn back.
There was shock. It was written all over her face as the words took root in her brain. I couldn’t help but shift in my seat nervously.
“What?” Cami asked as if she hadn’t heard me correctly.
“I broke up with Brice. I gave the ring back and all.” I flicked my left hand up so she could see the now vacant space on my finger.
I hadn’t thought about it until now but my hand felt lighter. Maybe it wasn’t only my hand. I felt like saying it out loud and to Cami, at that, really made it sink in. Made it feel real. And I knew that there was no going back. Not to Brice. Not to the life that had been laid out before me. Not to the woman I had once been.
She was still stunned. Even as she asked me to explain everything. Which I did, leaving out a few big details. Like what had happened with the biker boy. And how it made me feel. And that I was a cheater. And maybe even a dirty little slut.
She said that she thought Brice and I were perfect for one another. That was a little hard to hear because I really had to think about it.
“We are, in a sense,” I said and sighed. “On paper, we are perfect. But something has always felt a little off. I don’t know. I’m sure I’m not even making any sense. It’s just… the way you talked about Brand and that dazed, can’t-help-but-to-melt-inside look you get every time made me see things in a new light.”
I couldn’t believe that I had said all that but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t all true.
“I want someone who makes me feel,” I said but I wasn’t focused on her as I talked. At this point, I was sort of just rambling on as thoughts popped into my mind. “I want every kiss to leave me confused and breathless. I want his touch to send lightning through my veins. I know it probably seems silly and maybe a bit stupid. I can tell you that I’ve never felt anything like that from Brice. Things with him have always felt… comfortable, at best.”
I told her that I had planned on talking to mom and dad after this. That I hadn’t told them yet. I don’t know why I lied to her. I could have just said that I had already gone to them and that it hadn’t gone so well. I saw the look in her eyes and I couldn’t put anything else on her. I figured I would tell her later and go into how well it hadnotgone. This had been enough of a bomb to drop on her. And I really didn’t want to go into the whole family thing right now. I knew it was still hard for her. I hated that she had been cut off like she had. But in all honesty, she seemed happy. I was sure a lot of that had to do with Brand.
To say I was rattled the rest of the day would have been an understatement. I honestly didn’t know what direction I was headed in. I kept on waffling back and forth between wanting to stand my ground and wanting to take it all back.
That went on for days.
Friday rolled around.
I had not made any moves to contact Brice. The funny thing was, he hadn’t made any attempts to reach out to me either. I figured he cared about as much as I did about this whole thing.
The last words he had said to me rang out in my head. There was something off. Maybe it was simply his wounded pride lashing out. I imagined that it couldn’t have been an easy thing to hear. And not to mention the fallout on his end.
Only, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about me. If he was regretful of his words. Did he want to work it out? It was silly, really. Deep down, I knew I had done the right thing for me. It wasn’t bad enough that I felt like a cheater, which I despised, but I also felt like I finally realized something that I had been ignoring all along.
The same thing I had said to Cami at lunch.
Brice and I were perfect on paper.
But beyond that, when I really dug into it and saw things in a new light, it was all wrong. I cared for him, I did. I hated that I had hurt him. I sure couldn’t stand the thought that I had embarrassed him and his family after they had always been so kind to me. Whether that had all been fake or not, well, I wasn’t really all that sure.
It had been strange that one kiss from someone that I never so much as would have looked twice at had thrown my life into a tailspin. It was a kiss, that was for sure. But I was a smart enough woman to realize that it didn’t mean anything. Big, bad biker guy just wanted to take, so he did. He wanted to see if he could ruffle the stuck-up girl’s feathers.
Well, he certainly did.
Only, that was as far as it went. I would never stroke his ego by admitting my thoughts drifted to him quite often. That I couldn’t stop thinking about him. That my lips tingled for hours after. That I had ended my engagement because of it.
