Page 79 of B-ry
I didn’t move because I didn’t want him to know I was awake. I still was unsure if I could handle being around him. I figured that I hadn’t been out all that long given that he hadn’t woken me up. How long was that supposed to go on? I had never had a concussion or anything before and I really wanted to know when I would be able to sleep and not have to worry about the possibility of not waking up.
I heard him take in a slow, long breath through his nose. I wondered if he had a clue that I wasn’t asleep anymore.
“I realized a lot of things recently,” he said softly.
I had a feeling this wasn’t one of those conversations that people had with someone that was in a coma. The kind where you spilled your guts and hoped they really could hear it all. No, he knew I could hear him and he wanted me to.
“I know so many things about you. Things I don’t think most people get the joy of seeing. Or they don’t pay close enough attention like I do. I know how you secretly love food and that you have a massive amount of restraint when it comes to eating. Sometimes I worry that it’s almost on the verge of unhealthy.”
There was a long pause like he was trying to get his words straight in his head.
“I know that you really like pineapple because you always save it for last. You eat the melons first. Then the strawberries. Then the blueberries one by one. And the pineapple is always last. You chew it just a beat longer than the other fruit and you give me a look every time I try to eat one.”
A tiny laugh bubbled up my throat.
“But I don’t know if it’s your favorite. What if you like apples better? And I never even brought you one of those. Or raspberries. Or hell, what if you don’t really like fruit at all?”
Tears streamed down my face and I pulled the comforter up to wipe them away.
“I know that you have good days and bad ones just like everyone else. But I can always tell the bad ones because you try harder to stay strong. When you think something is inappropriately funny, your cheeks do this thing, it’s like they push up to your eyes making them narrow a bit. I can always tell that you want to laugh but you aren’t sure if you should.”
I wanted to ask him ‘what else?’ because I needed to know how many there were. How many things had he noticed about me that I probably wasn’t even aware of myself?
I got lost there, in the long pause, thinking about how I had missed it all. This man that didn’t just see me, he saw into my soul. He paid attention to the little things. Not only that, but he took every little thing in and remembered the slightest details.
“But I feel like that doesn’t mean anything,” he said breaking the silence finally. “I know next to nothing about you. I don’t know the important stuff. Like, what’s your favorite color? Do you like spicy food? Do you like to read? What do you like to do in your spare time? And so many times I’ve wondered about the deeper things and I always held back on asking. Like, what do you see in the future? Do you want to get married or is that something you felt like you had to do? What about kids? What kind of house do you want?”
I thought about those questions and what my answers might be. The truth was, I wasn’t sure about many of them right now. Not the heavy life ones, anyway.
And I realized that I didn’t know any of the answers for him. I had never asked either, even if I might have thought about it a time or two. Maybe I was scared to know the answers. What if they weren’t anything near what I hoped for. Or worse, what if they were. Because at that time, I had thought this man just barely wanted to be in my life.
It cut me. How we both had been so wrong and stupid.
Then, I thought about it deeper. Was it really that important that he knew my favorite color? Or what kind of food I enjoyed the most? Wasn’t the real proof of love that he saw what other people didn’t? That he knew little things about me that I had never even noticed?
“I like the color orange. I don’t know why, I just do,” he said giving his own answer. “I don’t mind spicy food, but I don’t like it so hot that my ass burns when it comes out the other end. I don’t like to read novels because I’m not a huge fan of excess words. I want the information as straight and boiled down as I can get it so I prefer to read things in article form. In case you couldn’t guess, I like to work out in my spare time.”
I was smiling as I listened to him go on. And, yes, I had guessed he worked out a lot. With a body like that, he had to. It was nice to know all of that but those were the questions I had burning in my brain. I had hoped he would go on without my having to prompt him. I was still a nervous wreck and trying my hardest not to fall apart.
“I honestly never thought about the future until you came along,” he said and I could hear the truth in his words. I began to silently cry harder. “And I’ve thought about it a lot recently. I want kids and I want to raise them in this life just like I was. I want to bring up strong children surrounded by the love of every one of my brothers. My family.”
That shocked me. Like everything came to a jarring standstill. My heart. My breath. Time. A high-pitched ringing echoed in my ears and I wondered if I was maybe still asleep and dreaming. Because as messed up as the timing was, I could see it all too. And I wanted that beautifully vivid image that had started to burn itself into my mind.
“It’s probably not the right time to be talkin’ about this with you, but I don’t want to waste any more time. I feel like we’ve fucked this whole thing up long enough. I’m laying it out there. It’s your choice to decide if you want to take it or not.”
His words weren’t a threat. They were a soft plea. I could hear the truth and honesty in his tone and not an ounce of bitterness.
I didn’t even think that I really had to decide, my heart had already done it for me. I wanted a future with him. And kids. That part got me the most. And I had seen how the club embraced their own and anyone that was lucky enough to be brought into the fold.
I didn’t know why I had felt like such an outsider, but maybe if I tried a little harder and actually stood proudly at Bryan’s side, then I would become a part of it too. So the thought of my children growing up with so much love and protection, well, it did something to my heart. It was warm and started to beat with a new kind of rhythm. For the first time in… oh, maybe forever, I felt so happy and excited about the possibilities of what could have been ahead of me.
And then it hit me, none of that really mattered. The kids. The club. The house. The car. The… whatever. Bryan could have said that he wanted to go live in a shack in the middle of Alaska and I would have followed him there.
Because I loved the guy.
Before I could answer or even say anything back, a knock sounded at the door. Bryan called for them to enter and a second later, Iron was walking in.
I rolled over and sat up. My head wasn’t happy about the sudden movement but at least it wasn’t pounding now. Bryan’s hands were there, holding my shoulders to keep me steady. Then he fluffed the pillows so I could lean back a little.
