Page 121 of Lake
I didn’t know if I could take much more tonight.
“Come on,” she said as she slipped her hand into mine and tugged me out of the room. “I’ll come back tomorrow and take care of everything.”
“You don’t have to…” The words died in my throat.
“I know,” she said softly like she got it.
I grabbed the key ring that was hanging on the hook next to the door. There were only two keys on it but it felt a million-pound weight in my hand.
I had no clue how I made it back to the compound, but somehow I did.
“Go up to the room, I’ll see if I can find Iron,” she said like she knew that I needed to check in.
I shook my head because I had to pull it together.
“He wouldn’t want us to be sad,” I said dragging my eyes up to meet hers.
And she knew, I could see it in her eyes. But she also knew that sometimes you had to feel the pain to realize all the good things you did have in your life.
“This sucks,” I breathed out with a strange laugh that either said I was at a loss about what to do or that I was going insane, I wasn’t sure which.
“Yeah,” she said with a small, forced smile and a nod.
“But you’re here.”
“I’m here.”
“And he had a good life.”
“That he did,” she replied, her smile growing a little, though it was still strained. “And he went knowing he wasn’t alone.”
“And that he has someone waiting for him.”
Maybe there were good things even in death.
“I kind of feel like I have no clue what to do now,” I said blindly.
She inhaled slowly through her nose. The long pause of silence stretched out and I could tell that there were things swirling around in her head.
“You live,” she finally said like it was that simple. Like she finally got it herself. “You never forget. You remember but you don’t let yourself get lost in the memories.”
I knew what she meant and it made sense. My life wasn’t over. My story wasn’t done yet. Maybe it was really just beginning. And while I was sad and knew I’d miss him like crazy, it wasn’t my end.
Maybe that was the thing I needed to hear all along. Where the hell had she been when I was seventeen and drowning in pain and bitterness? Because I sure as hell could have used her wisdom back then. Or maybe she came into my life when I needed her the most.
“Alright,” I said taking in a renewing breath of air. Well, that was what I hoped it would be. It wasn’t like I could just shake this off, but I could carry on. “Let’s do this.”
“Um, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” she asked and her face made it seem like she was looking at a crazy person.
“You know, this life thing. Let’s do it. Live it to the fullest and shit.”
I hoped like hell that I was making sense.
Only as I actually listened to the words as they came out of my mouth, I wasn’t so sure.
I was going for inspired or prolific or something but I think I came off bonkers instead.
“I want to make my own stories and memories. I want to do it with you. I want to make a life that would make Ed proud. That all his time with me wasn’t for nothing. I want…”
