Page 102 of Lake
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Lake
It went without saying that I was a little softer than most of the brothers. Things hit me and I wasn’t always so quick to shake it off. Sure, there were some things I’d spent years doing my best to push down but even then, I’d let those things into my head more times than was probably healthy.
So, yeah, tonight hit me pretty hard and once I was alone in my room, I didn’t beat my chest and fake a sense of alright-ness.
I looked around my space. It was small but it was enough for me. I had a warm bed and a shower that worked. I had food whenever I wanted it. The kitchen was constantly filled with anything I could just about imagine. And if I was craving something that wasn’t there or just wanted to be lazy and not cook, I had the means to do something about it.
I felt this need to hear Bridget’s voice. The need was so strong that I actually dug my phone out of my pocket end toyed with it for a good twenty minutes. I knew it was that long because I kept making the screen light up like I was hoping that hours had passed instead of just minutes. Not that a more decent hour would matter because even just calling her was something I was struggling with right now.
I always knew there was danger attached to the club. It wouldn’t matter how many allies we made or how close to legit we thought we could be one day, there was always something lingering in the background. Only, I had a feeling that day would never come. At least not in this chapter. I tried to think that it was for the best because who knew what the fuck could happen if we gave it over to someone else. This way we had some kind of control. Or maybe it was just the illusion that we did.
But there were also people out there that wanted to target us because they could. Because we were a group and somehow we were in their way.
Then there was the fact that we always seemed to step into some sort of shit. And we weren’t the type of people that could turn a blind eye. Especially when it involved the ones we loved or innocent people.
So, yeah, I had a feeling that there would always be a darkness hanging over the club. Or one hidden in the shadows waiting to descend upon us.
Which was fine for me. I mean, I didn’t like the bloodshed but I understood that sometimes it was necessary.
But when you added someone else into that equation it became a whole different thing.
Was it right to bring them into this lifestyle?
Was it right to risk their life?
It was selfish to put your needs before others and that was what I was struggling with right now.
A part of me felt like I needed her. There had been a lonely hole in my heart ever since she went back to Florida. And while I’d been trying my hardest to let her figure things out on her own, I wanted nothing more than to go down there and tell her that her place was here with me. And no, not in that man-beating-his-chest sort of way. Her place was here with me because deep down I felt like it was one of those things that was meant to be. You know, written in the stars and all that shit.
The sun came up and I knew I couldn’t sit there anymore.
As strange as it may have seemed, I felt the need to go see Mr. Watkins— who still wouldn’t let me call him Ed no matter how many hints I dropped about it.
“Come in, boy,” he said as he pulled open the old door.
His hand landed on my shoulder and he gave me a gentle squeeze.
“Sit at the table, I’ll put the coffee on.”
He turned, shuffled around me, leaving me to follow him back to the kitchen.
I’d been over here a few times and he knew a little about what was going on with Bridget. He always asked about her and there was something in his tone every time that said he didn’t understand why I was just sitting there. Like he thought I was going about this all wrong.
Maybe I was.
But I hadn’t really had to deal with something like this before and I was trying to be smart about it. I didn’t want to pressure her. If she wanted to be here, then she would make that choice on her own. It wasn’t like I didn’t tell her that I missed her every now and then. Or called her probably more than I should have.
“I’d ask you what the problem is but I bet I have a good idea what this pathetic look is about.”
I let out a sad excuse for a laugh.
“Honestly, I feel torn in two about the whole thing,” I admitted.
“I like her. She has spunk. You talk about her all the damn time. Not that I mind. And there was this life you had in your eyes when you looked at her. Don’t think that I missed that for a second.”
I tried not to roll my eyes at that last part.
