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I decided to wait to ask about it until I had his coffee ready for him.
“Got something?” I asked as I set the steaming mug down on the desk in front of him.
“Yeah, got a call last night. Just trying to put some pieces together before I form a plan.”
I made my own cup and took a seat at my desk which was smaller and significantly less cluttered than his.
“What is it? Cheating spouse?”
So, yeah, private investigator work was not as glorious as some might think. Ninety percent of the cases were trailing and staking out cheating spouses and getting pictures of them in the act. It was just how the job went. And since my dad had been a PI and his dad before him, I didn’t hold the high hopes for excitement in the job like the newbies did.
That didn’t mean that I wasn’t waiting around for those rare cases that took real elbow grease and digging.
Truth was, I just wanted to make my dad proud.
“This one could help us keep the doors open for another six months,” he said finally looking up at me and pinning me with his old, tired, brown eyes.
So things weren’t going so good. I knew it. Art knew it. My dad knew it before he left this green earth almost a year ago.
I sighed and fell back into my chair.
When my granddad started this business, he had no trouble getting in clients and keeping the doors open, or so I’d been told. He was the kind of man that you took one look at and knew he’d get shit done. He was also a wise businessman. However, all that time working didn’t leave much time to be at home with his family. I didn’t blame him, and I was pretty sure my father didn’t either. It was different times back then and all. But when my dad had me, he decided that wasn’t the way he wanted me to grow up. I always came first and the work second.
However, that didn’t always make my mom happy.
She wanted someone to provide more than my dad was able to. It wasn’t enough for her to have money to pay the bills, keep the refrigerator stocked, and eat out once a week.
So when I was five, she found someone else that would give her not only the things she needed, but all the shit she wanted as well. And so she left to start her new family.
One that I wasn’t a part of.
But that was okay because I had my dad. He was better than any dad in the whole world. Even when I knew he was hurting, he never let me think it was my fault that she left or made me feel like he resented me for it.
But the business suffered because he had been there for me at every turn. When I graduated, he jumped back into the job but it was too late at that point. The past five years we’d spent trying to build the place back up but it always felt like we were just barely keeping our heads above water. And ever since he passed away, I felt like things just kept going down the hole.
I looked over at Art, his head back on the papers in front of him.
My eyes traveled to the sturdy oak desk and the intricate details of a past era. Memories of playing on the floor when my granddad sat at that desk. My fingers would always run over the dips and grooves and I loved the way the wood felt cool and slick against my fingertips. Then later, pulling up a chair late at night and eating Chinese takeout from the place down the street while Dad and I worked on a case together.
I hadn’t even protested when Art took my dad’s desk after he passed away. I understood that people grieved in different ways and I figured that he needed to feel closer to my dad by sitting there. I almost preferred my cheaper, smaller desk because I could at least look over and see all the details around the edges.
Art had worked with my dad for over twenty years. He was like part of the family and so I knew he was hurting as much as I was even if he never said so.
Figuring that Art wasn’t going to say anything more on the new case, I turned on my computer and got to work checking emails and going over expense reports.
Yeah, the fun stuff.
My days might not have been exciting but they were mine. This was what I was meant to do. Just like my dad and granddad. It was in my blood. It was, for lack of a better term, my legacy.
I hadn’t thought of it beyond me. I had no clue if I’d one day have kids of my own to carry it on. To pass the torch to. To teach the ins and outs to, like my dad had to me.
But before I even started to think about those things, I needed a steady man in my life. There was no way in hell I was going to go at it alone because I’d seen the struggle that my dad had. And while I thought he did an amazing job at raising me and being there for me, I also saw the toll it took on him when he didn’t think I was looking. Nights when he’d have to push through, working on a case all night after I was tucked in bed. The dark circles that would seem permanent for weeks at a time. The stress lines etched deep into his forehead. The lonely sighs he would let slip when he thought he was alone.
Yeah, I saw it all. And I felt helpless even as a kid though I knew he’d never expect me to try to fix things. I was his life, his world, but he always made me feel like he loved it that way.
So yeah, I didn’t want that for my life. I wanted someone to lean on. Someone to take the burdens when they became too much. Someone that would shower his family with love.
Since I had no prospects at the moment, I figured that was a pretty high goal. So most days I chose not to even think about it. I was still young, I had time if that was what I truly wanted.
