Page 10 of Mouse
Seeing my head nod once, she got off the bed and undressed. I sat up and shucked my pants, tossing them carelessly in the corner of my room where my dirty clothes pile was.
I looked at the mound of dirty clothes and thought how I’d been saying for months that I needed a basket to put that shit in.
I wasn’t messy but my room wasn’t exactly spotless. I looked around and noticed a bunch of clean clothes sitting in the chair at my desk. How long had they been there? I couldn’t say but I knew at this point they were so wrinkled that if I cared, they would need to be put back in the dryer again. There was shit on top of my dresser. Crap that I’d brought down here from back home. I’d been here a few years, but I still hadn’t really organized the stuff. There was also a stack of framed pictures and posters that I’d been meaning to hang up forever, too.
Shit.
I realized that while my soul felt settled at this chapter, I was still missing something. I hadn’t made this place mine. Hell, the walls were still white in their bareness. This room was fucking boring and I was just now realizing that.
“Something on your mind?” Amber asked and I watched as she snatched up one of those clean but wrinkled shirts and tossed it on.
My lids closed and opened rapidly and I shook my head.
“I must be really tired,” I told her as she made her way back to the bed and slipped under the covers.
She knew I was brushing it off but she let it go.
Once we were settled in, she placed her head on my chest at the same time her hand came to rest on my stomach. I reached over and flicked off the light then my arm bent to prop up my head.
I stayed awake a while longer listening to Amber’s soft breathing as she slept.
Sometimes I got a little lonely, I wasn’t one of those people that was satisfied with a million different hookups. I wasn’t saying that I had to be in a committed relationship to have sex, I just had to have some sort of connection beyond sexual chemistry.
Growing up in the Gray Fort chapter had opened my eyes to a lot of things. Most of my young life, my mom tried to keep me away from the club, but that didn’t mean I was dumb. I had eyes and I fell in lust with my first club girl at the ripe age of twelve. Spent so many nights thinking about her when I was alone. My dad wasn’t to let things slide. So when he saw me watching her at one of the club parties that was supposed to be family friendly, he took me somewhere quiet and sat me down. The birds and the bees conversation was pretty straight forward.
“Son, I get it, I do. You have all these weird things going on with your body and your pants get tight when you look at tits. But know that you are too young to do anything about it unless it’s with your hand. Got me?”
“Yeah, dad, I got you.”
“Good. And when the time comes, you make sure to wrap that shit up before you go in. I don’t need no grandbabies any times soon. And you never know what these girls are doing, don’t want to have an itchy junk for weeks. Feel me?”
I didn’t really know what he was saying but I still told him I did. I figured when the time came, if I didn’t get it all by then, I could go back to him and ask. We were pretty close and I knew he’d teach me all the things I’d ever need to know. I was young and my dad was my hero.
“Fuckin’ good,” he said as he slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug. “I’ve been with the club girls before. But I gotta say, I love your mom with all my damn heart, and once I had her, I didn’t even want to look at anything else. Remember that. Easy pussy is nice, but being with someone you care about is so much fuckin’ better.”
Yeah, never said my dad had a way with words. But a lot of what he’d said that night stuck with me. I think it was a combination of his words and seeing loose sex all around when I was at the clubhouse that made me feel a little differently about sex. When I got older, I started spending more time at the compound and got a chance to witness first hand how crazy the nights got there. I wasn’t shaming those who liked to get it and go, by any kind of means. Maybe it was the fact that none of them really seemed satisfied at the end of the day that made me wise up.
It probably didn’t help that I was a shy kid, even when I was an awkward teenager trying to follow in his father’s footsteps. That was how I got my name, actually. I didn’t say much the first few years of my life and the brothers had joked that I was as quiet as a mouse. I tended to scurry off like one too when I felt like the attention was on me.
Needless to say, I wasn’t that kid anymore. But the name still fucking stuck.
This chapter was a bit milder. I liked it better that way. I think being submerged in the club back home made me shy away from casual sex. Or maybe I was just that kind of person from the get-go.
I shut my thoughts down. There was no sense in trying to explain things I knew I didn’t have the answers to.
But I could admit that it was nice to have Amber here some nights. Just having someone by my side while I slept was sometimes the kind of comfort I craved.
With a long exhale, I let my lids fall heavy and close.
Not long after that, I drifted off to sleep.
