Page 4 of Mouse
“Yeah, brother. Need you there.”
“Okay. Yeah.” My head nodded even though I felt a little unsure about it.
“Bring Amber too.”
“Oh, sure, I’ll see if she’s free,” I told him.
My mind spun out of control as he clapped me on the back and walked away.
I knew I wouldn’t be asking Amber to come with me. In fact, as shitty as it was, I had no plans of even mentioning it to her.
What did that make me?
I honestly, didn’t have an answer for that but I was pretty sure it wasn’t anything good.
The rest of the day passed by in a haze. I ended up at the bar. Surrounded by my brothers laughing and having a good time, I could only think about one thing. My mind was a mess.Iwas a fucking mess.
I hadn’t seen Ingram in two years. I hadn’t heard her voice in two years. And while it shouldn’t have really mattered, somehow it did.
She had said in her last letter that she would be leaving that place soon. I hadn’t heard anything from her since and I didn’t know what that meant. I suppose I was waiting for that next letter to come in. The one where she told me she was ready to fly. But it never came and it looked like in a few short days, she’d be here.
I’d always wondered where she would end up when she left. But then again, it shouldn’t have surprised me that she was coming back here. I knew she felt like this place was her home in her heart. When she was here, she talked as if it was. Maybe I was a little worried that her feelings of here had changed while she was away. And though I wouldn’t ever admit it, I was afraid she would find a new direction to spread her wings in. Someplace I wouldn’t be around to watch out for her.
I should have been able to breathe easier knowing she was coming back here.
Except there was something weird that slithered through my body and clenched my heart tight.
When she left, I hadn’t thought too much about it. I was sad to see her go and I was worried about her and little Chry but that was because she felt like part of this big, mixed-up family we had going on here. She was Ky’s sister and she was a kid lost in the world. I wanted to protect her same as I did my brothers and their loves. Only as I sat there with her in the hospital and she spilled all her fears to me, I knew that I had to find a way to help her. I had to get her what she needed. So, my thoughts turned to wanting to get her the help she craved instead of trying to hold her back. I knew Ky would be pissed, and he was. But eventually, I made him see that it was the best thing for Ingram and Chry.
Turned out that place was just what she needed.
As I downed another drink I thought back to those letters. The many she’d sent me while she had been gone. Through them, I saw her blossom. I saw her grow and change. I thought of how she shared so many things with me. How she seemed to open up so easily to me in those written words.
And maybe that was starting to fuck with my head. Especially, since I knew she’d be here soon.
But even as the minutes ticked on, I refused to let myself think about it, as in, dive deeper into why it was messing with my head.
So, I drank. Just like I’d done before. To forget. To block out what was trying to come forth. To run.
When Amber’s face came crashing into my view, I shook away all thoughts of Ingram as best as I could.
“You been here long?” she asked with a slight hint of humor in her voice.
My head seemed like it weighed a hundred pounds as it bobbed on my neck, which felt like it was too weak to support it.
“Not sure,” I answered because I had no clue how long I’d been lost to the drink and my thoughts.
“Come on,” she said as she took my hand and pulled me off the bar stool. “Let’s go to bed.”
I nodded blindly, my eyes locked on our blurry joined hands.
And not for the first time, I couldn’t explain how I’d gotten here.
We made it back to the compound and up to my room. I opened the door and she quickly pulled me inside.
“Mouse,” she said softly, looking up into my eyes. There was a hint of mischief and a knowing twinkle there. But knowing what? I had no clue.
She began to strip my clothing as her lips met mine. I kissed her back blindly. It was all I could do right now.
My body moved as if I didn’t have any control over it, my limbs working to wriggle out of my clothes one at a time.
“This isn’t about me, is it?” she asked as if she already knew the answer. There was no anger there. No irritation at all. In fact, I might have even said there was a soft hint of cocky reassurance.
I hated myself right now, and I almost hated her for knowing the answer. I wanted to hate her for seeing right through me and not even seeming to have any sort of defiance against it.
“No,” I answered thickly but I wouldn’t allow myself to admit anything further than that. Not to her. Not to myself.
I wanted to blame it on the alcohol coursing through my veins. I wanted to curse myself for having all those drinks. But I knew the blackness would be consuming me soon, making me forget everything I’d been trying so hard to hide from.
And as she spread herself out for me on the bed, I closed my eyes and gave in.
