Page 21 of Unspoken Confessions
What the hell was it about Nick Sterling that had me feel tied up, frustrated, and sad all at the same time?
He let out a harsh laugh and if I wasn’t mistaken, it sounded a little wet. I blinked back into focus and tried hard to relax.
“You really don’t like people, do you? Or is it just me?”
I tilted my head to the side and looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
“Yeah, it’s just me,” he said with another humorless laugh. “I’m not sure what I did to you but I’m sorry for whatever it was. If it has anything to do with…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I won’t say anything. Believe me, I understand what a private life is and I would never want to take that away from someone. I also understand having secrets and being afraid they’ll get out.”
My brows furrowed as I gave him my full attention. I couldn’t help it, I shook my head. See, he had it all wrong. I didn’t give two shits that he’d seen me there, nor was I worried that he’d tell anyone. I didn’t care who knew. I wasn’t going to go talking about it with everyone— clearly— but I wasn’t trying to hide it.
His head jerked back and it was like he understood what the look on my face was for.
“Wait, you’re not afraid of anyone finding out? That’s not the reason you seem to hate me, is it?” I shook my head at him again with the intention of telling him no, but my mouth never opened to speak the word. I tried to clear my throat but it was like I was frozen. I couldn’t even swallow. His deep brown eyes penetrated mine, his gaze held his confusion and it was like I could see him trying to figure out everything behind my eyes. “Then why?”
I let my gaze drop away from his.
I couldn’t explain it even if I wanted to. I think I never really had a good reason. Looking back on it now, the anger I held toward him had been judgmental and I saw him now. Did I still want to hate him? Yes, because the real reason I needed to keep him at a distance was something I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
The thing was, I didn’t hate Nick at all. But I also wasn’t sure how to deal with everything that came with letting those feelings in.
“Well, I’m sorry. I’ll only bother you if I need something from now on. And I’ll try to stop nervously filling up the silence.”
He slid off the stool and grabbed his plate.
My hand shot out and I snagged his wrist.
The sharp gasp he let out hit my ears the same moment I felt him lock up in my grasp. But he didn’t pull away, and when I finally tilted my head to look him in the eyes again, his brows were raised high in shock.
I urged myself to say something. It didn’t have to be much. A few simple words to tell him he was wrong. Or that he didn’t need to be sorry. Or that he shouldn’t stop talking because I liked it. None of that would have led to regret. At least not the kind that I couldn’t come back from, right?
But that was all wrong, because if I started to unscrew the lid to the jar that held the remnants of my heart then I might not be able to stop.
His hand slid from mine, slowly as if he was hesitant to break contact but knew it had to be done.
Then he walked out, leaving me sitting there feeling like an even bigger asshole than normal.
I just couldn’t get it right.
I didn’t think I would until I truly dealt with all the shit going on inside of me.
Nick Sterling was a puzzle I couldn’t figure out.
And it bothered me more than anything that I wanted to.
