Page 58 of Unspoken Confessions
This was pathetic. God, and I knew it too. Why? Why did I have to care so much? Why had I let my father groom me this way? Why had I started acting in the first place? I could blame my father and my career, but deep down, I knew it was all on me.
“I can’t,” I choked out.
“Yes, you can,” Jen said softly. It was like he knew what I was trying to say even though I’d hardly said anything.
“My father might be an asshole, but he’s right about this,” I said with anger in my tone. I hated that it was the fucking truth and I was such a chicken shit that I couldn’t go up against it.
Jen seemed to get mad too. His body went rigid and he sat up, eyes looking pointedly into mine. It was that look that screamed ‘listen to me.’
“So then stand up,” he said with fire in his eyes. “Be one of the people to make a change! Help others see that even if the world sucks, there are people out there just like them. Show them that there is nothing wrong with being who they are— whoyouare. And no matter what the cost, it’s worth fighting for. Show them that they are not alone.”
“Jen,” I said but couldn’t get anything out.
“And neither are you,” he said a little softer this time. “You are not alone, Nickie Boy.”
I stood and turned my back on him. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t even a little upset, I didn’t think. But I couldn’t begin to say what I was. My head spun and I felt a little sick to my stomach.
“Just set it free.”
“I’m gay,” I said for the first fucking time to someone. For the first time out loud.
Suddenly I had a Jen plastered to my back, his arms went around me and he just held on.
“Fucking hell,” I said and there were tears falling from my eyes. “I’m gay.”
“And sexy. And a talented actor. And the best friend anyone could ever have. See, you’re more than just your sexuality.”
“I guess you’re right. I still feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Oh, that’s totally normal. You’re also sweating like a pig. Ew!” He released his hold on me and I turned to face him.
“Thanks,” I said, then took a deep breath. “What now?”
He shrugged.
“You read and I’ll work. We’ll hang out in here until you feel like you’re ready to face the world again.”
“Really? You’d do that for me?”
“Of course,” he answered with a smile. Pulling out his phone, he walked over to the couch.
I stood there for another moment, taking in calming breaths until I felt like I could move again.
Then I walked to my desk and took a seat.
“So, I’m going to need to know more about this Daddy thing…” I said with a hint of humor in my tone. But really, I was dying to know.
“Not a chance, Nickie.”
We both laughed and I knew he’d spill it soon enough.
