Page 60 of Unspoken Confessions
I rolled over, trapping him underneath me and caging him in with my arms. I let him have my eyes, knowing he could see them now that he’d adjusted to the darkness. He went stiff under me as if whatever I was about to say or do would break him.
“You’re safe with me,” I told him hoping he could see how deeply I meant it. At those words, I felt him relax under me. His fingers grazed over my side and he held them there like he needed to touch me. “I want you, I’m not going to hide that. And I think you want me too. After Kelly, I promised myself there wouldn’t be anyone that got a big part of me like that again. Honestly, I didn’t think I had any in me left to give. But I think I do, and it was you that made me want something again. You’re scared, I get it. I’m fucking scared too.”
“Jamie…”
“Yeah, Nicky?”
“I’m gay.” He went stiff under me again as he sucked in a sharp breath. I was pretty sure he was holding it in too.
“No shit!” I said with humor in my tone. “I had no idea you were gay when you were rutting against my cock and coming all over my hand.”
“You did not just say that,” he said as he slapped at my hip since that was about all he could reach with the way I had him pinned down.
But he was laughing and I could tell by that sound that he enjoyed the playful banter.
I leaned down and kissed him. I was happy when he kissed me back. There wasn’t even that split second of hesitation and that felt fucking amazing.
“Wait,” he said as he ripped his lips away from mine.
I rolled off him, suddenly worried that I’d pushed too far. It was best to give him a bit of space but I wasn’t going to leave him or kick him out of the bed. If he wanted to go, that was on him, and he’d have to get his ass up to do so.
“No,” he rushed to say as he rolled over and clicked on the light next to the bed. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the soft brightness. “Not like that.”
He rolled back over and settled into my side. His head went to my shoulder, but he tilted it back to look at something above my head. Then his arm reached up, fingers brushing over some of the carved out details on the headboard.
I didn’t understand what was going on. In fact, I would have said he was acting a bit weird.
Did everything that had happened lately break him?
I really hoped that wasn’t the case.
There was a smile that danced at the corners of his mouth. It was almost as if he didn’t want to set it free.
“This was my mom’s bed. Actually, most of the furniture in here was hers,” he said with a bitter happiness in his voice. “My great-grandpa carved all of this. He gave it to his third son, my grandpa, and his wife as a wedding gift.”
“Really?” I asked as I looked over the wood again with more appreciation this time.
“Well, actually, he gave them the bed for the wedding. Then he added a piece every year on their anniversary. Once he furnished their bedroom, he moved on to the rest of the house. He lived a long time and my grandparents were happily married their entire lives. Let’s just say, it was a good thing they had five kids. Otherwise, I would have ended up with a lot more furniture and shit.”
“So your mom comes from a big family?”
“Mmmhmm,” he hummed his answer but I could tell he was far away for a moment. “I don’t know them all that well. My grandparents passed away a few years ago and my aunts and uncles… well, I don’t think any of them were fans of my dad. Not that I blame them.”
His hand came back down and he rested it on my lower stomach. His finger absently ran a circle just under my belly button. I was trying hard not to react from the closeness but my body liked his touch way too much.
“Anyway, things got passed down and divvied out even before my grandparents died. They didn’t want their death to be associated with any of it. And I think they wanted to see life carry on in each one. My mom got the bedroom set, obviously. She’d had it before I was born so I always associate it with her.” He huffed out a laugh. “I remember… I must have been like four or five, and I would wake up and go running into her room. I’d crawl in bed and she’d always be awake already, just like she was waiting for me. We’d snuggle and she’d pull a book out from somewhere. Probably, the bedside table but I was a kid and I thought she was magic and able to make the book appear out of thin air. I’d always run my fingers over the carving in the headboard while she read me a story.”
“She sounds like she loved you very much,” I said with a thickness in my throat. My own mother had been alright. I wouldn’t have called her loving, but she wasn’t cruel either. I managed to call her twice a year, once to tell her Merry Christmas, and the other to wish her a happy birthday.
“She did. I made sure to take everything when I left my father’s house. I didn’t trust that it would be there if I returned for it later.”
“It’s a good set,” I told him. “When I first came in here, I felt something. I could just tell the things in here were different. Special. I almost didn’t want to stay in here, but now I’m glad I did.”
“Are you sure about that? Because there will be no sexy things happening in this bed.”
I laughed and pulled him tighter into my body. I turned my head and placed a light kiss along his hairline.
“I’m alright with that,” I replied back playfully. “As long as you’ll stay.”
