Page 76 of Unspoken Confessions
27
Jameson
I did not want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face this day.
But I did. I rolled out of an empty bed and shuffled my way into the bathroom.
It had been shitty of me to shut Nick out last night but I had no other choice. This day was for her and I didn’t feel right waking up with someone else in my bed.
I had no clue if he understood what was going on or not, but regardless, he simply gave me a hug and left me the space I asked for.
I thought that meant the end of it, but I was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
The three of them were ready and waiting by the time I got downstairs. I couldn’t even get out the door without them two steps behind me. When Nick hopped in the SUV like he knew I’d be leaving, the other two followed. Jen saying how he had nothing to do today, and Austin making a point to throw it back in my face that he had to protect Nick since I’d asked him to take this shift.
My plan was to be back later tonight, catch a nap, then take over part of the night and work the next day. That was the only way I could work it out without screwing things up too much. Austin and I both were used to running on little sleep, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal for either of us.
Irritated, sad, and a little emotional all around, I had no choice but to drive off with them in the vehicle.
They talked and carried on the whole five-hour drive, but didn’t push me to be a part of the conversation. I knew what they were doing, trying to keep me out my my head as much as possible, and I had to admit, it helped a little.
It meant a lot to me but I couldn’t think about it right now.
I pulled into the cemetery and blindly parked off to the side of the small roadway that was near her plot. I took in a deep breath as I stared at the only person standing tall amongst the rows of headstones.
I turned off the engine and slid out from behind the wheel.
Eyes forward, I made my way over to the woman that had her back to me.
“Every year I wonder if you’re going to show up,” Helen, my mother-in-law, said without turning around. “And every year I pray that you don’t.”
I stopped walking for a brief moment. I wasn’t sure how to take what she’d said.
I’d always gotten along well with Kelly’s parents. Or I thought I had. I knew that the last year of her life hadn’t been the best, but they never acted as if it was my fault.
Even if it was.
I ruined their daughter.
And it wasn’t like I’d ever tried to hide that fact.
She lifted her cane a few inches before slamming it into the ground. I snapped out of it and stepped up next to her.
“Still not talking, I take it,” she said as she turned her head in my direction.
“Nothing I can say will bring her back,” I told her.
“Exactly,” she shot back with a nod. I cocked my head and studied her as she turned her attention back to her daughter’s headstone. “Nothing anyone can say or do will bring her back.”
Her words were harsh but I was confused by her calming tone.
“She’s gone, Edward.” I sighed hearing her say my name. It had been a long damn time since I’d heard it. It didn’t even feel like mine anymore. “She’s never coming back. It’s time to let her go.”
“What?” I asked utterly confused.
“You’re doing no one a damn bit of good holding on. It’s been five years.” With a hobbled step, she turned toward me. Her hand, shaky and looking older than I thought it should have, reached out to grab mine. “You want to honor her memory? Then do it by living. You’re miserable and all you’re doing is keeping her from moving on. You think she’d want this for you? Well, ain’t none of us would know the answer to that, now would we? But I’m tellin’ you that this isn’t what I want to see for you. You come back here every year but you have never said goodbye. You’ve never laid your demons down and set yourself free. Give them to her. Let her slay them with the light and move on.”
