Page 100 of Unspoken Confessions
What the hell kind of alternate universe had I stepped into?
“I like him. I’m glad you have someone like that.”
“Uh-huh,” was all I could manage to get out.
My father laughed and I was instantly snapped back into a memory of the last time I’d actually heard him laugh.
That one memory stuck in my head and I didn’t know what to do with it.
“Can we start over?” I asked, only half-aware that it had come out.
“I would like that. I know I sucked at being a father but if it’s not too late, I’d like to try and make up for it.”
“Just don’t buy me another telescope and we should be good.”
He looked at me with an odd expression.
So then I offered him a seat and explained what he had missed. Which, to my surprise, hadn’t been missed at all. The reason he’d never brought up the telescope was because he knew I hadn’t set it up. And rather than make me feel bad about it, he simply never asked.
I suppose things weren’t always the way we saw them. There were pieces of each scene, of each memory, that we missed because we couldn’t see it from the other person’s point of view.
As we talked, I realized that I had been wrong too.
“So, are we going to make this movie?” he asked after we had talked a while.
“I want to direct it.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he told me with a smile.
Well, I guess it was time to make a movie then.
Jameson
Nearly two years later…
I stood in the shadows watching Nick in his element.
He even looked the part of director with his furrowed brow and a ball cap pulled down over his head. His hands were on his hips and he was studying everything in front of him intently.
I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on my face if I wanted to.
He walked over to one of the actors in the foreground, said something to them with a tender look on his face, and waited for a response. I wasn’t sure what was being said but it was clear the actor was taking Nick’s direction well. They both nodded, then Nick walked back out of the shot.
I watched quietly asactionwas called and the scene unfolded before my eyes.
I swallowed hard because it felt so close to us.
I mean, part of this moviewasus.
So of course I felt a little emotional seeing it played out before me like this. It was strange but it felt real too.
There was no doubt that I loved him. And that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It took him a while to finally feel comfortable letting the person he was on the inside out. With each ‘I’m gay’ that fell from his lips, I saw his confidence grow. I saw his wings unfurl and spread wide. I saw him shine like he was meant to. Maybe I didn’t understand it, since I didn’t feel the need to label myself, but for him, saying those words held power. It settled something inside of him, leaving him with this feeling that he’d found his place, his home. Which I think was what he’d needed all along. Nick was amazing and beautiful and kind. He was also mine.
I didn’t think I deserved a second chance. I hadn’t even wanted one. But sometimes, the world proves that you don’t know yourself as well as you thought you did. I’d been wrong. And I made a promise to myself to never take for granted this gift I’d been granted.
I didn’t often bother him while he was working. I didn’t want to distract him. But I knew it was getting closer to wrap day or whatever the fuck they called it. I wanted to show my support and I’d held myself off too long at this point. I’d been dying to see him in his element.
I watched until he felt they had the right shot. Which took a while. Damn, I had no clue how hard these people worked. It was very eye-opening. Not just the actors and director, but everyone involved.
