Page 76 of Unexpectedly Wanted
“Depends where it is.”
That made sense. But it also left me wanting to ask for more of an explanation. I had to know everything so I could be prepared for anything.
Before I could open my mouth and ask him to explain further, he said, “If it’s fatal, you’re dead, so I suppose you won’t be feelin’ much. Other than that, yeah. Shit hurts real bad. Bet you’d cry… and puke. You seem like the type. You might even pass out. Yeah, I could see you doin’ that. Just try not to piss your pants. I always feel bad for the ones that do that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I whispered as I turned my gaze to the computer screens, and only my gaze. Then I blindly asked, “Have you shot a lot of people?”
“Yeah,” he said shortly. “Killed most of them, in case you were wondering.”
“But why? Why do you do it?”
It was silent for a moment, leaving me to wonder if he’d just decided to ignore me like most of the world had.
“You ask a lot of fuckin’ questions,” he finally said. There was no irritation in his tone. Nor amusement. So I wasn’t sure how to read the situation.
“I don’t like not understanding something.”
He snorted.
“You ain’t gonna understand me. Not ever. I don’t even understand me.”
There was another long pause of silence. He moved until he was standing beside me, butt resting on the edge of the desk, as he looked down at me. I shifted my gaze, staring at him over the rim of my glasses. Then he took in a deep breath, making me think that he was readying himself to say something big.
“He’ll kill you, or have you killed,” he said. “And if he really thinks there’s a use for you, he’ll find your loved ones first and torture them just to get you to give in. There’s no way out of this, kid. No choice if you got people you care about.”
I shifted my eyes back to the screen.
Remy.
That was who my thoughts went to. As stupid as it was, I couldn’t stop picturing him. In my office. In my house. In my bed.
Couldn’t stop thinking about the things he did to me. How he heard me. How he knew me. How he… kissed me. Yeah, that was there too. I didn’t want our kiss this afternoon to be the last.
And more importantly, I didn’t want anything to happen to him. Especially not because of me. I didn’t want him to die.
It was right after that thought when I felt the coolness of the keys against my fingertips. My fingers weren’t moving, but I was one step closer to… to… to helping this monster out. If I did, I would be a monster too. I knew it. So, even if I made it out of this alive, Remy wouldn’t want me. He wouldn’t look at me the same. He probably wouldn’t even hear me telling him that I couldn’t let him get hurt.
That I loved him.
Wait.
Was this what it was like to love someone?
Things likefeelingsandemotionswere so hard to explain. So hard to understand. I’d never felt like this or been in love, therefore, I had no clue if I was blowing myfeelingsout of proportion. Was it just the intensity of the situation and the danger hanging over me that hyped up those feelings?
I had no fucking clue.
This would be about the time I usually turned to Google. I’d look up stupid things like, ‘what is love?’ and ‘how do you know when you’re in love with someone?’ If I was desperate enough, which I was, I might even try something like, ‘how do you know the difference between being in lust and in love?’ Because my brain thought the lust part could be mixing in with the threat of dying and confusing everything inside of me.
But I couldn’t do that right now. I couldn’t ask the stupid fucking Internet to try to dissect my feelings and make me understand exactly what was happening here.
As it so often did for me.My inner voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Big Paws had moved away at this point, but I knew he was still in the room. He wouldn’t be leaving me alone. Not like I’d get the courage to run. Even if I did, I knew I wouldn’t get far.
My fingers worked. My eyes scanned. I tried my best to find my way through the code from this side. While I did this, my mind sort of split in two. It was hard to focus with so much going on up there.
“What’s it like to be in love?” I asked, half my attention on the screen.
