Page 63 of A Wrench in the Plan
Well, if there was one way to make me feel like a total tool, that was it.
I deflated instantly.
She was right. Oh, how I hated it when Sparrow was right. She would never let me live this moment down.
I dropped to the edge of the bed, my head going to my hands.
Here I was, fucking up again.
Cat needed me, and what was I doing? Causing her more heartbreak and stress. Instead of helping her with what she was going through, I was giving her more to deal with. I wasn’t protecting her. I wasn’t protecting Evan. I was letting them both down because I was fuckin’ selfish.
“How do I fix this?” I couldn’t look at either of them. “I can’t be around Evan because of the guilt over having feelings for Cat. I’m pretty sure I love him. But I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve her. I couldn’t protect her. Couldn’t take care of her. So what the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m no good for either of them. But the thought of not having them in my life…”
I couldn’t finish. Couldn’t get the words out over the pressure bearing down on my chest. Why did it hurt so much?
“Chry!” Row snapped. My head jerked up, eyes wide as I stared at her. “You’re so fucking thick sometimes!” She thumped me on the head, and I flinched.
“Ow!” I rubbed my head. Travis tried to cover his laughter, but I saw his body shaking with it. “The hell, Row?!”
“I can’t believe you, of all fucking people, can’t see it,” she said.
“Row,” Travis said, his tone a warning.
She waved him off without even looking in his direction.
When I blinked at her blankly, she shot me a look that made me feel really fuckin’ dumb.
“The three of you have kind of always had this weird, close relationship.”
“Huh?!” I said. My face screwed up with confusion. What the hell was she talking about? Yeah, I got that we might not have had a so-called normal friendship. That the three of us were pretty close and we spent a lot of time together. But why was she making a point to put this right in my face like I couldn’t see it.
“Christ, Row,” Trav breathed out as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“What?” She whipped around and gave him a look. “Weallsee it. Hell, I bet everyone’s been thinking the same thing, too.” She turned her focus in my direction again. “You don’t have to choose. You know that right? You just all have to be on the same page. Which means you have to talk about it.”
I don’t have to choose?
Same page?
My mind spun.
“Are you saying I need to make the relationships equal to keep them?”
“Yes!” She breathed the word out with excitement in her eyes. Like I was finally getting it.
“Okay…” I said.
Maybe she was right about everything. Cat needed me, and I understood what she went through more than anyone. But I didn’t see how I could keep her in my life and have Evan. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us. It wouldn’t be right. I’d already fucked so much up, I wasn’t sure I could do this anymore.
Evan and I had been living in this confusing in-between. I’d kept him as a fuck buddy, but he was the only one I slept with. I cared about him but didn’t give him the respect he deserved.
So, I only saw one way to do this. To fix it.
To be there for Cat and keep Evan in my life, I had to bury my feelings and limit everything to strictly friends.
It wasn’t the best solution, but it was better than losing them completely.
That was a conversation with Evan I wasn’t looking forward to. I figured it would be best to tell him, then maybe take a little time away. Like a break.
