Page 65 of A Wrench in the Plan
Then again, it went both ways, and every day that passed where all I received was silence from him, I let another one slip by without trying. It hurt. It made me feel extremely alone. If anyone could understand what I was going through…
I wanted to shake the thoughts off but I couldn’t. That was the very reason Sparrow called me, practically begging me to check on Chry. To talk to him. To help him climb out of the darkness. I didn’t want to do this, but I felt like I owed it to everyone, even myself.
He needed me, and deep down, I needed him.
Though remembering what Evan had confessed to me that night in my bed, I had to strongly remind myself to keep my feelings in check. The love I had for Chry had to die. I had to cut the threads clean through and let the ends unravel, leaving no way for them to be mended.
I wondered if Evan had told Chry that he loved him yet. I certainly wasn’t going to spill the beans. If he had, it clearly hadn’t been the outcome he’d been hoping for. Not if Chry was here hiding out in a dark room that smelled… well, a little like a locker room.
Is this what I smelled like?
The thought was horrifying and extremely embarrassing.
“Chry?” I walked closer to the bed, unsure if he was even awake. Clicking on the light beside the bed, I searched for signs that he knew I was there.
“Cat?” he said, sounding surprised as he rolled over and faced me.
He was a mess. Still handsome and beautiful, but a mess all the same.
Like how I felt on the inside.
I turned my face away, so my scars were out of the light. I didn’t think I was a monster, but part of me did feel grotesque. Like I was a walking billboard for what I’d been through. I feared it would be the only thing people saw when they looked at me from now on.
“What are you…” He let the question trail off as he rushed to sit up. I stood tall, looking down into his sad eyes. “I fucked up. And I keep fucking up. I don’t know how to…”
Swallowing hard, I choked out, “What do you mean? Talk to me.”
As my head screamed at me to keep my distance, I moved closer to him. His legs dropped to the floor, his head going to his hands. He looked so… broken.
“I’ve been making this about me the whole time and how I couldn’t… protect you. And once I realized that, I was a coward. I didn’t know how to reach out. What you went through… I’m sorry.”
The tears spilled from my eyes.
“I know sorry doesn’t fix it,” he went on. “It doesn’t make it go away. It doesn’t stop the pain or erase how shitty I’ve been. How fuckin’ selfish I’ve been.” He took in a shuddering breath as he raised his head to look at me. “I… I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Do what?” I asked, dropping down on the mattress right next to him, so close that my leg was right up against his. Instead of severing those threads, there were more reaching out, desperate to create a link to him and hold on. I was losing him, losing every part of him. My chest ached like I was dying.
“I broke up with Evan,” he said, dropping his gaze from mine like he was ashamed.
“You did what?!” I screeched. All thoughts of holding onto him vanished as I became pissed and worried for my friend.
“Well, not break up. Can’t really break up with someone that you’re not with. I told him I can’t do it anymore. It’s tearing me up inside.”
I blinked at him for an extremely uncomfortable amount of time.
I wanted to yell at him. Throw things at him. Shake him until he saw what a giant idiot he was being.
“What are you talking about?!” I said loudly, not quite yelling, but it was close. I got to my feet, suddenly needing distance.
“I’m no good for him,” he said. “I’m not good for anyone. Sparrow said that we all needed to be friends and that was it, but I think both of you will be better off without me.”
She said what?! I wished I could have heard that conversation because I couldnotimagine Row saying something like that. Knowing Chry, he’d probably taken what she’d said and twisted it up somehow.
I should have wanted to stay and work through this with him, but I could only think about Evan.
Maybe I’d had enough. Maybe I was just tired of this whole triangle that we’d unknowingly worked ourselves into. Maybe I was just ready for something new.
“You’re being stupid,” I told him rather harshly. I felt something snap inside of me. The rays of sunshine that had been starting to slip through the cracks in my darkness blinked and faded for a moment. I felt angry and different. I felt raw and unrestrained. I felt… a little bit free, if not also terrified because of it.
