Page 60 of A Wrench in the Plan
“I’ve got to tell you something,” I blurted out. The guilt was killing me. I’d hoped Chry would tell him, and I had maybe been using that as an excuse to put off this conversation. And, yes, part of it had been part of the reason I’d avoided my best friend as of late.
I felt Evan’s eyes on me.
“Is this about Chry?” he asked slowly.
“Well, yeah, and—”
“I know about the kiss,” he told me, causing me to softly gasp.
He knew?! He knew and he still wanted to be around me? He wasn’t mad? Feeling betrayed? Somehow, that made the guilt only grow inside my belly. I didn’t understand why.
“But you said—” I started.
“That I love him, yeah,” he cut in. “I do. And I also know the boundaries of our relationship, or almost relationship. Whatever it is. So I can’t get mad.”
“But do you feel mad?”
“No. I mean, it doesn’t feel great, especially not since it seems like it came out of nowhere. But he’s my person. I have to put it out there and see if he feels the same. Or… maybe… I don’t know, I’m hoping that it will help him see that he’s got someone in his life that loves him like I do. Maybe it will help…”
“What he’s going through?”
I wondered how Chry was doing, but I’d been too afraid to ask. I hadn’t spoken to him either. I honestly didn’t know what to say.
“Yeah. Is that stupid? Is this the worst time for this? I don’t want to stress him out, but I’m kind of at a loss lately. He’s angry and mean, but he’s also sweet and acts like he needs me. I want to break down that barrier that he keeps up. I think this is the only card I’ve got left.”
He let out a sad laugh.
Taking in a deep breath, I prepared myself to let Chry go. Really let him go. He wasn’t mine. What happened between us didn’t change that. He needed Ev, and Ev needed him. And more importantly, they were pretty much perfect for each other. No one could deal with Chry’s ups and downs like Evan could. Evan was a giver, a caretaker. So in Chry’s sporadic spirals, Evan felt needed in the way I think he’d always craved. It worked. More than that, it was actually quite beautiful.
“I think you should tell him,” I said, my voice cracking at the end. “I think it’s what he needs to hear right now.” I let out a slow breath, releasing some of my pain with it. “I think I’d like to try and sleep. Will you stay?”
“Of course. Anything you need.”
He held me tight, showing me that he wasn’t going to let me go. That it was okay to head toward the nightmare because he would be there to pull me out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Wrench
“You need to eat,” Sidekick said as he barged into my room.
Now I understood why he sometimes seemed frustrated when I used his key to do the same thing to him.
I wanted to ask for the damn key back, but only ’cause I wanted to be alone.
Keeping my back to him, I tried to ignore the smell of garlic and tomatoes that filled the air. I bet Abigail made lasagna for dinner. I pressed my head into the pillow until the smell was muted in my nose. I was also tempted to pull the comforter over my head.
“I’m not hungry.” Even as I grumpily said this, my stomach rumbled.
I heard him pull out the chair under my desk and take a seat. Well, so much for getting him to go away.
“You wanna tell me what that was at the garage?”
I’d hoped he wouldn’t stick his nose in it, but it seems he’d just been holding off to come at me about that shit.
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
So shit was hitting me fuckin’ hard right now. I’d gotten worse, and I fuckin’ knew it. I was slipping down a slide that I couldn’t get traction on. I couldn’t climb back up. Couldn’t find a way to jump off. And with the way I’d treated Evan a couple of days ago… yeah, I’d really done it. I couldn’t blame Ev for givin’ up on me. I’d let myself go so far down that I royally fucked up all the good things in my life.
