Page 62 of A Wrench in the Plan
“I just want to be left the fuck alone,” I barked and instantly hated myself. There was no reason to treat him this way.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Row yelled as she stormed into my room. The door bounced off the wall hard enough that it slammed shut again.
It was easy to tell she was pissed by the way she was coming at me looking like a riled-up demon.
I could only assume she’d been listening through the paper-thin wall and hadn’t liked the way I’d talked to Travis. Pretty sure she wasn’t having the way I was treating him. So, yeah, it only made sense that Sparrow was coming in here looking like she was ready to rip me a new one. I kinda deserved that shit.
“Uh…” I said because she was a little terrifying. I didn’t have an answer for her. I wasn’t even sure what kind of answer she was looking for. I quickly schooled my face and shot her a warning glare.
“First of all,” she said, looking a little green in the face, “get your stinky ass out of bed. Oh, God. I can’t even.” She dramatically pinched her nose and walked back to the door, pulling it open then nearly closed a few times before leaving it wide open.
The fresh air rushed in, making me notice for the first time that it was fucking stale and sick-smelling in here. It was a slap in the face to realize that most of that smell was coming from me.
Getting out of bed had been nearly impossible lately, so there was no way showering was even on the agenda.
Wow, I really was in a bad way.
“Two,” she said, whipping around to face me once again. Travis got to his feet, watching Row carefully. “Enough of this shit!”
“Enough of this shit?!” I snapped back, jumping up and nearly getting in her face. There was a twinge in my side and a sharp pain that shot through my thigh, but I didn’t let the pain show. Travis closed in, looking ready to take me down.
I had fire in my eyes and anger running through my veins.
The rage that I’d been trying hard to hold back was breaking free.
With everything that had happened, it was no wonder I fucking snapped.
“Enough of what?! Dealing with the fact that I couldn’t keep Cat safe? That I let that fucker put his hands all over her? That she was nearly raped right in front of me?” My chest heaved as I glared down at her. “Enough thinking about how I found out she’s a virgin from that fuck as he ripped her panties down her legs while we were tied up and helpless? Enough thinking about how she’s in love with me? Or how I’m always fucking things up?”
She open her mouth to say something, but I narrowed my eyes at her, daring her to help fuel this fire. Didn’t take her but two seconds to snap that shit closed.
“Or how I’ve been fucking her best friend for the last two years, gutting her every time she sees us together?”
“Wrench,” Trav barked, but I wasn’t hearing it from him either.
“Not to mention how I’ve gone and got myself in a relationship with Ev and didn’t even realize it,” I went on. “How, ’cause of you,” I growled, pointing an accusatory finger at my best friend, “I started seeing this future with him because of all that shit you put in my head about getting a house. Now I’m even more screwed up thinking about what you said about having a room for Cat. It’s all fucked up bullshit. She doesn’t deserve that, being there all the time having it rubbed in her face.”
I studied my friend for a few beats of my heart. It was the pity in his eyes that gave him away. That deep look of sadness was now mixed with regret, causing me to feel like I was really about to lose my shit.
“You know?” I looked between the two of them. “You both know how she feels about me? You’ve known this whole time that she’s in love with me, and you stood by and watched me hurt her.”
I felt sick.
“It’s always been pretty fuckin’ obvious,” Sparrow mumbled, dropping her gaze from mine. I suspected it was only because she was trying not to roll her eyes at me.
“All that time spent feeling guilty ’cause there were moments when I thought Evan had started that fire…” I shook my head. “I never imagined I could feel worse.” I laughed sarcastically. “Well, look at me now! I’ve hurt two of the most important people in my life, and I can’t fuckin’ fix it. I can’t make a life with Evan knowing how Cat feels about me. And…”
I let the word hang there for a minute, not sure if I wanted to share more.
“And what?” Trav asked calmly.
“And I can’t see Cat the way I used to because she’s not the woman I had in my head. She’s so much stronger. Her ray of light is so much brighter now that I know that strength that she hides inside of her. I realize that she’s always held my attention whenever we’re in the same room. Had my protection.” She’s always had a part of my heart, even though I was unaware of it. “How can I be in her life knowing that I’m the reason she was forced to make that strength grow? How can she look at me knowing that I couldn’t protect her?”
“There is just so much to unpack right now,” Row said, blowing out an exhausted breath as she turned to look at my best friend. “Travie?”
“Oh, no. You’re the one that barged in here when I already had it handled, so this is all on you,” Trav said, taking a step back.
“You were doing a terrible job,” Row muttered under her breath. “Fine!” She turned back to me. “You gotta stop.” Her tone was sharp, causing me to glower at her. She poked me in the chest so hard that I flinched. “You need to realize what happened, happenedtoCat. Yeah, you were there, but she was the one having to live through the fear of possibly being raped. Of having someone touch her that she didn’t want touching her. All the while, you, the person she loves, is watching. And instead of being there for her now, like she’s been there for you through so much shit, you’re here being a whiny little bitch! How do you think she’s feeling? How do you think that strength you’ve suddenly seen her have is holding up right now?”
