Page 23 of Clued in to Love
He shrugged. “I wish I had something exciting to report. I would have liked to have been able to say that I traveled the world, but the reality is that after college, I returned home and worked for the parks department in San Diego until last year.”
“And you gave up the year-round sun for this?” Darby glanced at the frosted windowpanes.
Samesh chuckled. “I might be the only person in Southern California who prayed for rain daily.”
“You wanted to find a use for that umbrella.” Darby chuckled at the memory of their first meeting.
Her comment made him really laugh. His eyes crinkled with delight. “I’ll never forget that day. What was I thinking? An umbrella in a blizzard. You saved me, Darby.”
“I don’t know about that, but it’s solid memory for me, too.” She was conflicted about reliving their early years while still feeling lost about how their relationship ended so abruptly. Shedecided to change the subject. “There must have been things you enjoyed about San Diego if you stayed for these many years.”
Samesh flinched. She noticed how his grip tightened on the handle of the clear glass mug. “Sure. It was good to be near family. As I mentioned, I helped care for my parents, and I was glad to be in a position to do so. However, the mountains are my soul. You know that quote by John Muir, ‘I go to the mountains to lose my mind and find my soul’? That’s me. Nothing in Southern California can compare with the craggy peaks, the red lava rock, the way the cold sucks the air right out of you.” He sounded wistful and almost poetic. “I’ve always believed there are two types of people in the world—beach people and mountain people.”
“Can’t we be both?” She met his eyes.
“I’m not suggesting that you can’t enjoy a day at the beach or take pleasure in a snowball fight. But I’m talking about what feeds your soul. The mountains are my church. This is where I feel the most alive—the most connected. Coming back to Bend is like finally coming home. I can’t believe I wasted so many years living in a place where the skies are always blue.”
Darby felt her breath quicken at the passion that came through with his words. She’d forgotten how Samesh used to talk about how living in the high desert had changed him.
“I want to hear about you.” Samesh stirred his drink with a spoon and leaned closer, resting his elbows on the table and locking his eyes on her. “I’m assuming mountains have your heart, too. You never left Bend?”
She shook her head. “Nope. I’m a lifer.”
“Did you ever consider leaving?” He plunged a lemon slice into his drink.
“Not really.” She took another sip. “I’ve never had the desire. I guess I’ve always known that this was the perfect place for me. Don’t get me wrong; I love to travel. Jim and I tried to takea trip every summer. Sometimes we’d stay closer, venturing to national parks on the West Coast, but we made it to Europe, Japan, and New Zealand.”
“I always pictured you as a world traveler.” Samesh cradled his head in his hands.
“I wouldn’t go that far. Teaching allowed me more freedom in the summer, and Jim would bank his vacation time so we could get away for a few weeks.” Darby didn’t mind catching up, but she wondered how long they could circle surface topics before getting to what counted.
“Jim sounds like a good guy,” Samesh said quietly.
“He was.” She swallowed hard, forcing another drink of the hot toddy and her emotions down.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” His voice was tender and timid.
Darby could only bring herself to nod. She wanted to go deeper. She had so many unanswered questions, but suddenly the pub felt like it was closing in on her. Maybe it was the hot toddy. Perhaps it was the rush of old memories. Or maybe it was being in such close proximity to Samesh, but she couldn’t do this. This was a mistake. She needed to be home under the protection of her favorite tear-stained blanket, wrapped in one of Jim’s old flannels.
“Listen, I’m feeling a bit tired,” she said to Samesh. “I think I’m going to call it a night and head home.”
Samesh looked surprised, but he nodded in agreement. “Of course. No problem.”
Darby reached for her purse. “Let me pay you for the drink.”
“No, please. My treat. It was so wonderful to see you. Can we do it again soon?”
She nodded, but internally, she knew her real answer was no. It was too much. The lingering grief over losing Jim had yet to release its grip. She wasn’t in a space to reopen old wounds. Notnow. Maybe not ever because, in some ways, it didn’t matter. Samesh had picked one path. She had picked another.
Samesh got to his feet. “Happy holidays, Darby. I wasn’t sure what I would wish for this year, but now I don’t need to give it any thought because our paths crossing again is the only gift I could ever ask for.” His gaze lingered on her momentarily before he extended his hand to help her.
Darby gave him a faint smile.
Samesh squeezed her hand tightly, then released his grip.
“Happy holidays.” She attempted another smile. Then she left her barely touched drink and walked as quickly as she could to the door.
It took every ounce of self-control not to break down as she exited. She wanted to talk to Jim. He had helped heal her heart after Samesh had left her standing stunned in her graduation cap and gown. Jim had cracked her open to love again. Without him here, she risked falling even deeper into the hole of despair.
