Page 42 of Clued in to Love
“An explanation would be a good start.”
Darby was acutely aware that the music had stopped. Several tables had cleared, leaving the restaurant nearly empty except for two or three other parties. The only sound was hushed conversations and the occasional clink of forks and knives. Talk about symbolism. Darby could teach an entire lesson on how the restaurant’s vibe had shifted with their mood.
Samesh sipped his coffee with complete attention, like he was buying time. When he finally spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. “It was my parents.”
“Your parents?” Darby couldn’t help but notice that a table nearby had turned in their direction at the sound of her response. She let out a breath and tried to keep her mouth from hanging open. “What do you mean, your parents?”
“They forbade me from going to Europe with you.” He couldn’t meet her eyes.
“What? I thought they liked me.” Darby was stunned. She had met Samesh’s parents every time they had visited. They had invited her to family dinners and had been kind and welcoming to her. Darby hadn’t known them well, but every time they came to visit Samesh, they seemed eager to include her and warm and welcoming.
“They did like you.” Samesh cleared his throat again. “They didn’t like you as marriage material, though. Our friendship was fine, but they had me end it when they realized how serious I was.”
“I don’t understand. We weren’t even engaged.”
Samesh picked up a spoon and stirred his coffee. He started to speak but stopped himself. The weight of unresolved emotions seemed to crumple his chest.
“Were you going to propose?” Darby nudged, her pulse quickening.
His gaze was soft and wistful, as if he’d been transported back in time. “In Paris. I had the ring. I had it planned out. We were going to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower.” He removed the spoon from his coffee cup, rubbed his temples, and sighed. “I shouldn’t have told them. I should have just done it.”
Darby wasn’t sure how to respond. Samesh had been planning to propose that summer. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she finally asked.
“I told my parents at lunch the day of graduation. I knew at some level that they were traditionalists. They wanted me to marry a nice Indian woman and preserve our family customs and traditions. I underestimated how important that was to them. When I showed them the ring and told them I was going to propose, they were so upset.”
He had a ring?
Darby couldn’t believe it. The room was closing in on her. She could hear the rush of her heartbeat thudding in her head. She tried to clasp her wine with a clammy hand and then decided against it.
“Their response threw me. It made me question whether it was fair to you. How could I bring you into a family like mine?” His subtle smile carried a hint of longing. “What if they never came to terms with it—with us? What if they wouldn’t acceptyou or our future children? I hadn’t intended to leave. I thought I would take a week or so. I would travel down the coast alone. I had to get my stuff back to San Diego anyway. I figured a long solo drive would be good. I could clear my head and figure out what to do.”
“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have told me.”
“Because if I had told you, we would have taken off right then. Right there. I knew how much you cared. I knew you loved me the way I loved you, and I would have done anything to make it work. We probably would have gone to Europe and eloped.”
“Okay, and what would have been wrong with that?”
“I couldn’t do that to you. You deserved a husband who loved you and a family, too. I imagined every future holiday with you as an outcast, with you feeling hurt and unloved by my parents. I wouldn’t put you through that. On the drive, I considered severing ties with them completely.”
“Samesh, I had no idea.” Darby’s hand went to her heart. “You did?”
Samesh reached for his napkin. He smoothed it out and folded it into a tight square. “I did.” His eyes flickered to her momentarily and then returned to the napkin. “I knew you wouldn’t go for that. Not as a long-term solution, and I didn’t know how to tell you that my parents were against our future. It wasn’t you. They really did like you. It was just that… that…” He trailed off.
“That I’m white and not a practicing Hindu,” Darby finished his thought.
“Yeah.” He stabbed his uneaten tiramisu. “I was also young. I might have reacted differently if this had happened now.”
“That’s the gift of aging, isn’t it?”
He nodded, but the pain was etched in the deep lines in his forehead and the corners of his warm brown eyes. “After I drove to San Diego, I did more soul-searching. It was hard because Ifelt the call of duty to my parents. They had given up so much for me. They were the reason I’d been able to get a college degree. Being the only child, the only son of Indian parents, came with a lot of pressure. Plus, you remember this was the 1980s. Things have changed, but back then, the idea of me marrying you was so out of the realm of possibility for them.” He put his fork to his lips but didn’t take a bite. Instead, he returned the fork to the plate. “I wish I’d been braver. I wish I had fought for us.”
A tear rolled down Darby’s cheek. “That’s so sad. It must have been hard for you.”
“It was hard, and the only person I wanted to talk to was you.”
“You could have, though.”
“No. No.” Samesh motioned with his hands. “I couldn’t. You would have tried to find a solution for an unsolvable problem, and I refused to put you through that. I loved you too much to hurt you like that.”
