Page 89 of Clued in to Love
Hilary nodded, her breath freezing in her chest. “All of your favorites.”
He smiled slowly, his fingers massaging the top of her hand. “You didn’t have to do all of this to say you’re sorry, but I’m glad you did.”
Her fingers curled into his. “I did, though—we need a fresh start, yeah?”
His thumb brushed against her knuckles. “Yeah, a new start. But this time we don’t do it alone.”
She shook her head, unable to speak.
“How did you do this? For real?” Ben released her hand and gave her a playful scowl. “You can barely boil water.”
Hilary let her jaw hang open while she poured them glasses of wine, happy to be flirting with him again. “Hey, I make a mean boxed mac and cheese.”
“Yeah, right. You remember the first time you made it and didn’t realize you had to drain the noodles after boiling them, so we had mac and cheese soup?”
“You said it was the best mac and cheese soup you’d ever had.”
“I lied.” Ben winked.
“Sit. Help yourself to appetizers.” Hilary ran her hand over the veggie, fruit, and cheese platter in the shape of a Christmas tree.
“I need to know your secrets. Have you been holding back on me and learning to cook?”
“Not even close. I’ve got a source. A cheese source.”
“Your source is impressive.” Ben held up his glass in a toast.
“I have been holding back on you, Ben.” Hilary shifted the conversation back to them. There was more she needed to say.“I’ve been reflecting a lot these past few days. I miss you. I miss you so much. I wish I had been more open. I think I spiraled downward, and I guess you just seemed to be handling it so much better. You’ve been upbeat and going about your days like nothing has changed, making me feel even worse about myself.”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel worse, Hilary.” He strummed his fingers on the table.
“No, I’m not blaming you. I’m taking ownership of my role in this. I pulled back. I wouldn’t let you in.”
He ran his finger on the edge of his wine glass. “I miss them, too, Hils. Every single day, I miss them.”
A tear ran down her cheek.
Ben glanced slowly toward the window, his gaze landing outside where the twins used to build snow castles. Then he turned back to her, his eyes full of something unspoken. “I’ve been trying to connect and stay positive for you. This is our new reality. It’s you and me. Our time as parents with kids in the house is gone, and that phase of our lives is never coming back.”
His words made Hilary cry even harder. “Yeah, that’s the hardest part for me. It went by so fast. Why does no one tell you how fast it’s going to go?”
Ben scooted his chair closer to her. “I don’t know. But it’s a blur. I feel like just yesterday we were chasing after them everywhere, having to babyproof the house, and then—poof. They’re out in the world making their own lives just like we did.”
“It’s what we want for them, right? But it’s brutal.” He wrapped his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder tight, caressing her softly.
Hilary didn’t try to hold back her emotions. Ben met her in the moment. For the first time since the twins had left for college, they shared their collective sorrow over the changing relationship with the babies they had raised within these walls.It was cathartic to cry and reminisce and even begin to imagine a different future—one with adult children.
It didn’t fully mend the ache in Hilary’s heart, but she could feel it shifting, which was a very, very good start.
“Ben, I love you so much,” she said, brushing away a tear, feeling her body pull toward him with a new, tender longing that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for a while.
“I love you, too,” he whispered, his voice warm against her ear. He cupped her face gently as he tilted her chin and kissed her, slowly, softly, and with such deep familiarity that Hilary wanted to melt into a puddle and stay there forever. The magic, the spark was still there, maybe even stronger. Hilary couldn’t believe she’d been worried that their flame had gone out. As their kiss deepened, she suddenly realized that this wasn’t the end of anything. It was the beginning.
FIFTY-ONE
MARISSA
After her conversation with Hilary the night before, Marissa knew that she had to show up for the closing ceremony. She had no idea what to expect, but she had a good vibe about Hilary and didn’t feel like Hilary would have told her to come if there wasn’t a good reason.
