Page 4 of This I Know
I blink hard a few times. My eyes adjust to the light, and I can make out the shadows coming from the window. “Ashley? What is it, what’s going on?”
Silence.
“Do you know what time it is?” I ask. My eyes refuse to adjust more. I can’t see anything in the darkness of my room, so I flick on the lamp that rests next to my bed.
She sighs. “Yes. Ethan, I’ve got some news for you. And…” She takes a breath. “It’s not good. I’m sorry. Are you ready for this?”
My shoulders go back. I unconsciously press the phone harder to my ear. My head rises. “What is it? Where’s Mom?” My momshouldbe safe and sound in bed, like I was.
“She’s fine, she’s fine. This isn’t about her. I just talked to her. You’ll want to give her some space.”
“Dammit, Ash. Will you tell me what’s going on?”
“It’s your dad, Ethan. He was … he was arrested a few hours ago.”
She gives me a moment, a breathless pause.
“Your mom couldn’t tell you herself, so I offered to be the bearer of bad news. Don’t hold it against me.”
As if I could think of anything right now but that last word she uttered about my father:arrested.
“Ethan? Are you there?”
“I’m here.”
“Okay. Well, it’s serious. They’re thinking he’ll be there for a long time.”
Don’t tell me the charge.
“I’m sorry.” I rub my forehead. “I need a minute.”
“I get it. I’m sorry, Ethan. It’s shitty news, but I think we all saw this coming. One way or another.”
I breathe in and lift my head back up. I nod to the phone. “I know. Thanks, Ash.”
“Do you … do you want any details?”
“No. I don’t.”Detailsabout my father’s arrest? I can still barely comprehend the word, I shudder to think what details will do to me. I’ll have the rest of my life for the details. “Thanks again. I know it had to be hard.”
I can hear her face smirking on the other end of the phone, cringed in sympathy for the way I’m taking the news. “If you need anything, I’m here. Okay?”
“Okay. Right. Thanks again.”
I set the phone down. I stay where I am, my hands on my knees, looking straight ahead because I know if I dare to look anywhere else before I give myself time to process this, I think I’ll lose it.
I fall backwards into my bed, covering my face with my elbow.
When I sit up again, I see that Ashley’s texted me.
i know you didn’t want to hear it, but you need to know a little. it’s bad. he hurt someone. we should have known this was coming. that’s all i’ll say. love you. stay strong and take care of your mom.
He hurt someone.
That’s it. There’s no way I’m going to sleep tonight. I rise and open my bedroom door as quietly as I can. I have no idea where my mom is, but if Ashley said I should give her her space, then I should give her her space. There’s no one out here. I make my way down the long, unlit hallway, through the living room and kitchen, and to my father’s den. I swing the double-doors open and they move with a creak. I stop, then resume at a slower pace.
In the den, it takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the lack of lighting. And when they do, when I get a good view through the darkness, I stop short.
The only positive thing I remember about my father is his love of flower pressing.
