Page 127 of Holiday on the Rocks
My agonizing heart twisted so hard I saw quick spots in front of my eyes. “What is a cerebral edema?”
He spoke with his hands. “Imagine your brain as a delicate sponge, normally content within the bony skull we all have. Because of the accident, the sponge has slowly expanded, pressing against the unyielding skull. Basically, it’s a buildup of fluid that causes the brain to swell, and, unfortunately, can lead to a cascade of neurological concerns.”
The back of my eyes burned as I attempted to blink back tears. He grabbed a box of tissues from the counter behind him and handed it to me.
“Thank you.”
“The acute phase of brain swelling is like a high-stake drama on TV. His brain is in full crisis mode right now. It was kicked off when the accident occurred, making the next twenty-four hours very crucial. His accident, colliding with the car, was the equivalent to a motorcycle accident where the rider had no helmet on with the trauma he’s experienced. We acted fast with the surgery to try to relieve some of the pressure, which is good, but, uh, things are up in the air right now. We’re monitoring and trying to control the intracranial pressure. It’s like a fire and we’re coming at it from all angles, but we’ll have to wait and see what happens in the next day.”
His eyes were telling me things I didn’t want to know.
He was going to die.
An hour later Kristina, Lexi, and Rachel had a Christmas tree in the corner filled with white lights which put a soft glow in the room. The red and green balls reflected, and it was beautiful.
Levi would love it.
Lexi set a little speaker on the table next to Levi’s bed, hit a button, and I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas softly filled the space. She pulled me to my feet, wrapped her arms around me, and we cried together. After a long moment she pulled back and dabbed my eyes with a tissue.
“I’m sorry, Allie. For then and now. I didn’t give him the chance I should’ve.” She pushed hair over my shoulder. “Please forgive me.”
I kissed her cheek. “I love you.”
“I’m going to go get you some food.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Too bad. You will eat. Don’t flip my bitch switch.” She squeezed me. “I stole your line.”
She left, and I took his hand in mine and prayed. I prayed for strength and healing and for a Christmas miracle. I hated the doubt I had that anything could save him as his head bleeding in the street was running through me.
There was a knock at the door and Will entered.
“Not now, Will. I don’t want you here.”
“Allie, nobody meant for this to happen.”
“I don't believe you! You didn’t mean for this accident to happen, but you came here to make sure he was pushed out like you always had. Screw what I wanted or anything else.”
He took a controlled breath. “He's not good for you?—”
“I'm so sick of that sentence! You never knew him. You never gave him a chance. Yes, he was wild and lacked direction back then, but he would've walked to the ends of the earth for me.”
“He was?—”
“Don't you dare tell me what he was. You didn't know him then or now. You never gave him a chance to show you who he was. You, mom, and dad decided everything. Levi didn't cause the truck to run into us, he didn't do one thing wrong, but you didn't care. You wanted him gone. You sat in my hospital room tearing him apart, making him responsible for an accident he didn’t cause. You used it to get rid of him. My husband.”
“Don't say that.”
“It's true. You and our parents changed the whole course of my life. I never had a say. You all decided everything. And what about the letter?”
His jaw clenched.
“Yeah, I heard you talking last night. He left something for me that would’ve changed everything, and you never gave it to me. You never gave me the chance to decide my life. You tore it away from me. There were years you could’ve told me about it, but no. You just kept lying to me. And he thought I wanted him gone forever.”
“I was wrong, Allie. I’m sorry. We were all trying to do the right thing and, well, we were wrong.”
I took the breath and turned back to Levi. “Not this time.”
