Page 55 of Holiday on the Rocks
His demeanor changed, and I felt his muscles tighten. “I was passing the truck on the interstate when he switched lanes. I saw him shoot over but it was too late. It was almost in slow motion. He swerved, my eyes shot to you sleeping in the passenger seat, and then it all went black.”
He swallowed hard as his eyes became glassy.
“I woke up in the hospital. Your parents were there, and when I saw you on life support, because of me, it tore me apart.”
I fought the lump in my throat as I pulled him closer. “But it wasn’t because of you.”
“Because of my actions you were fighting for your life, and it didn’t look like you were going to make it. You were this beautiful genius who’d fallen for someone who was a reckless thrill seeker. If it wasn’t for me, none of it would’ve happened.”
My vision blurred.
“I wanted to tell them to fuck off, but it was all true. You were weaved into my soul, a part of me, and there was no line I wouldn’t have crossed to get to you. It was crazy, and I couldn’t control it.”
“What happened then? I want to know what really happened. Not my brother’s version. Nobody was completely honest with me. I know it.”
“It’s probably better?—”
“You started this, tell me.”
His eyes bore into mine.
“It was a good four days you were on life support, and I was dying inside. Your parents let me have it on day one but held their tongues when I told them I wouldn’t live without you. Would not. I was with you every minute.”
His low voice was quiet. “The day they were able to take you off of the ventilator, my father brought in the annulment papers. He said it was time to let you go. To realize that while I hadn’t killed you this time, it would be a matter of time before I’d kill your dreams and take you off track.” He laced his fingers through mine. “That I was the dynamite and you were the match.”
The apparatus in my chest caved and every part of me hurt. Ached for the past, ached for what could have been, and what should have been.
“I refused and told him to go to hell. I went back in your room and your mother was with you. She was holding your hand and her tears gutted me. You were the stars in her world too. It was the first time I thought I’d been all wrong. Wrong for letting you love me, wrong for taking you off of the path you were on. Everything they thought about me was true. I’d hurt you.”
I rested my hand on his cheek.
“I told her how much I loved you, and said I’d do whatever she wanted me to do.”
My eyes burned.
“She said she felt you’d be able to live out your dreams without me. That together we tested everything, but alone you would be safe.” He wiped his eye with the back of his hand. “Once you were on your way to being stable, they asked me to leave. Forever. I signed the papers, went home, packed, and left to go live with my aunt in Wisconsin. Evan’s mother. They’d been right about me all along, and I wasn’t going to hurt you further. I asked my dad not to tell you or anyone where I went because I knew you’d be there, and as much as it killed me, you were better off without me.”
All the air left my body and as hard as I tried, he held me while I cried. The trajectory of my life had been changed entirely that day, and I had no say in it. Time wasted, dreams twisted into different dreams, and my busted heart that eventually stitched itself back together.
He took my face in his hands. “I never wanted you to get hurt.” His deep voice had a velvet rumble. “I’m sorry for all of it.”
My mind was a whirlwind of angst and desire. The sting of the reality of us, but his touch and skin on mine now were all I needed even if it was just for a day.
I did follow my dream. I had a good life. I was happy. Now closure was coming to an end, and maybe it was a good thing. I knew what happened, and now it was finally over.
We dozed off wrapped up together, and I awoke at nine forty-five to find myself alone. As I reached for the robe at the bottom of the bed Levi entered and my tummy did a flip. He wore jeans that hung low on his hips with no shirt. Yeah, there should be a law against Levi ever wearing shirts indoors. His body was a freaking piece of art.
“Whatcha got there?”
“Hangover help.” He set a tray on my lap. “Chocolate chip pancakes still your favorite?”
“Bet your ass they are. A nice dose of chocolate will cure just about anything.”
He plopped down next to me. “Yeah, if chocolate is the answer, who the hell cares what the question is.”
“Amen. Chocolate is clearly God’s way of saying he likes us a little bit chubby.”
After a quick shower Levi dabbed ointment on my stitches and each of us swallowed two more pain reliever tablets which were working pretty well on my tequila brain. While a hangover lasts maybe half a day, the blurry drunken memories of my time with the hot one would last a lifetime.
