Page 117 of When We Were Us
I grit my teeth and my heart is beating a mile a minute as I make the split-second decision.
“Have you considered other options?” I swallow hard when she drops her hands and her eyes come slowly up to mine.
“Other options?” Her voice is quiet. “For work?”
Pulling on the back of my neck, I decide it’s now or fucking never. I need her to know how I feel and I’m sick of beating around the bush. This feeling of limbo is killing me almost as much as it would if she left.
“For all of it.”
“What do you mean?”
I pull in a deep breath. Before I lose my nerve, I ask, “You saidif…before.” I swallow, glancing at her. Nerves eat at my stomach and the back of my neck prickles. “Evenifyou lived here.”
She nods, her eyes never leaving mine.
“What if you did?” My eyes search hers. “Live here, I mean.” I swallow again, my throat dry. “What if you stayed in Timber Forge?”
The silence that hits me is deafening. I force myself to sit with it.
“Is that— Would that be something you would…be ok with?”
My heart is a trip hammer in my chest as I watch her. I want to scream thatyes, I would be ok with it,but I can’t be her only reason for staying. We already tried that, and it wasn’t enough. So, I school my features and force my voice to come out steady.
“I’ve already told you that you’ll always have a home here, whether or not you keep your grandparents' place.”
“Iknow, I just meant—” She cuts herself off and her gaze is piercing. “D–do you want me to stay?”
I reach across her lap, palm up, and I’m surprised it’s steady. She looks at it for a couple of seconds and places her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together.
“I want you happy, Wrenley. I want you safe, and I want youso fucking happy. And if Timber Forge is that place, then yes. I would love it if you stayed.” Emotion chokes me, but I continue anyway. “If it's not, then as much as I would hate it, I want you to be happy wherever that is.”
She nods slowly and then gives me a small smile. I can’t tell if it's happy because she wants to stay or if it's sad because she knows she won't. I hate it.
It feels like my chest might cave in on itself, because I don’t miss that she never answered my question:What if you stayed in Timber Forge?
She asked me if I wanted her to stay, if I was ok with her staying, but she never answeredme. It irritates me. I shake my head, my patience wearing thin.
“Hank, talk to me,” she whispers.
“I’m trying, Wren,” I blurt, looking back at her. “I’m trying to get you to talk to me, to tell me whatyouwant,” I say and it's a fight to keep the frustration out of my voice. “But you keep asking me what I want. Goddamn it. Isn’t it obvious, Wrenley?”
Her eyes flinch imperceptibly, and I shake my head again as I grip the edge of the tailgate on either side of my thighs until my knuckles turn white. My shoulders ache. I drop my head forward, staring at my lap.
I turn my head and look over at her. “It’s not me who doesn’t know what he wants.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “You want to know what I want? You need me to spell it out for you? Ask me again.”
A look of confusion crosses her features, and she swallows. “What do you want, Hank?” she whispers.
“You, Wrennie Girl. It’s always been you.”
My anger vanishes in an instant when her bottom lip starts to quiver and her eyes shine with unshed tears.
“Come here,” I say and stand, pulling her up with me.
She crushes herself against me and lets out a long sigh. The blanket forgotten, she sniffs as I hold her against me with one arm and rub her back up and down with the other.
“Don’t cry. Please, Wren. I hate it when you cry,” I say against her hair. And I do. I fix things. I can’t fix this—her indecision. I don’t know how to.
“We’ll figure everything out somehow, ok? Remember, one day at a time? All we’ve got is time.” I realize then that I’m trying to convince myself of this as much as her.
