Page 141 of When It's Us
“Ginger can speak for herself, Hank. She doesn’t need anyone making decisions for her.”
The irony that I did exactly that isn’t lost on me.
“Yeah, well, someone has to watch out for her.” He glares at me, jaw tight. “I told you to stay the fuck away from her, but per usual, you couldn’t fucking listen.”
I shoot to my feet, fists balled at my sides, bumping my chest against his. I’ve never wanted to hit my brother, but I do right now. Hudson takes a step forward, ready to get between us if need be. “Iwasfucking protecting her.”
“How do you figure?” Hank says, keeping his hands at his sides. He shakes his head. “You couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? It’s one thing to fuck a million tourists, but it’s an entirely different matter when it’s someone we know. Don’t even get me started on her kids.”
“I was nothing but good with those boys, so fuck you, Hank.”
“That’s my point,” Hank grits out. “You walk around here like you don’t have a goddamn care in the world, sticking your dick in whoever you want without a thought to the consequences. Kids like Tate and Jordan deserve better than that. Who the fuck do you think they’re looking up to while they’re here? Me? Hudson? No. They’re looking at you. The one their mom so obviously loves—though I can’t imagine why. And what do you think they see?”
My stomach bottoms out and I feel like I’m going to puke. Taking a step back from Hank, I force out a breath and scrub a hand down my face.
“Alright, Jesus, can we dial it down a notch?” Hudson says, gripping my shoulder.
I shrug him off. These two might think I’m an asshole for getting involved with Ginger, and sure, maybe it was a bad idea, given my track record with women and relationships. But regardless of what they think, no one feels worse about it than I do.
I take a deep breath. “I broke things off with her to protect herandthose boys,” I tell them. As much as I hate myself for it, what I told Ginger that night remains true. “I’m fucked up. I’m selfish and I was scared. I still am. I want to be what Ginger needs, what she and those boys deserve, but I don’t know how.”
“You just man the fuck up and—”
“Hank,” Hudson cuts in, “let him talk.”
Hutch
“Whetheryoubelievemeor not, letting Ginger go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I’ll regret what I did to her for the rest of my life. And regardless of what either of you thinks, Idolove her,” I say, looking Hank square in the eye. “I’ll never stop loving her.”
“Then what the hell, man?” Hudson asks, his voice strained. “I know you think you’re horrible in relationships, but—”
“That’s not it,” I huff out. “At least not all of it.”
“Then what is it?” Hudson asks, surprising me with the patience and empathy in his tone.
Hank sighs in irritation, and I can’t even be mad at him. He’s always been loyal. It’s one of the things I admire most about him. And this—my fucking things up with Ginger is a direct conflict with that.
I’m his brother, but she’s his wife’s best friend. He’s going to have her back. I get it, and I hate seeing the disappointment in his eyes now.
Moving back over to the couch, I sit down. Bracing my elbows on my knees, I shake my head. I’ve kept this shit inside me for so long, I don’t even know how to force it into the light. Don’t wantto. Being with Ginger sort of helped me pull back the curtain on it, but fuck if it’s still not just as painful as the day it all went down.
I suck back a steadying breath before blowing it out. “The day Sarah left—”
“Sarah Kessler wastwelvegoddamn years ago, Hutch,” Hanks spits.
I gaze up at him, all fight gone, not wanting to argue anymore. “Do you want an explanation or not?”
Hank jerks his chin at me, features still hard as stone, but at least he’s quiet.
I rake a hand through my tangled hair. “Sarah was pregnant.”
The air in my lungs feels heavier somehow with the admission out there. I thought I’d feel lighter telling my brothers, but I was wrong. It still feels heavy as fuck.
Hudson is the first to break the silence. “What happened?”
I shrug and shake my head. “Spontaneous abortion, the paper said. It wasn’t until later that I figured out that meant miscarriage. That’s all I know. And then she was just…gone.”
“Wait, what do you mean that’s all you know? What paper, Hutch?” Hank says all in one breath, voice low.
